The Diet Guy

Enjoy The Ride - Lesley

OK, so you've started your diet and have set yourself a date by which time you want to be a certain weight and you know you're going to feel wonderful when you get there! You'll look good and be able to wear whatever you like - oh the freedom will be fantastic when you get to your goal weight!  Trouble is, it's months away and you won't feel great until you get there - or will you? We all look forward to Christmas, holidays, birthdays etc and half the pleasure of each occasion is the present buying, planning and anticipation of it and if you think about it, losing weight is no different.  From the first week's loss to the final goal you can plan and enjoy the journey and all the changes that happen along the way.  I remember well the first time I could cross my arms properly.  Two months into my diet and I was amazed that suddenly my arms were long enough to comfortably cross over my middle!  Well obviously my arms hadn't got any longer but my midriff was smaller and it felt great.  Now that might seem like a small thing to some but to me it was a small but wonderful step on my journey.  And the first time I was able to comfortably cross my legs, well, it felt better than any cheese sandwich or bag of crisps (my downfall L) had ever made me feel. 

Stuck? - Lance Wright, Pacific Institute, London

Have you ever had a situation where you have felt "stuck"...
 
Stuck in a job?
Stuck in a relationship?
Stuck in a situation where you feel you didn't have any control?
 
We all have these times in our lives when we have so much going on, and so much drama where we might feel overwhelmed.
 

But, the trick is in knowing what to focus upon.

Choose Life? - Karen Beardsell

Choose Life?

When you think about starting a diet, does the thought fill you with dread?  Do you want to stamp your feet like a toddler and shout about how unfair it all is?  Do you immediately start thinking about what you can’t have?

In 2008, I made a decision that I didn’t want to be big any longer.  I went on a very low calorie diet for 8 months and went from morbidly obese to a healthy weight.  I was 44 and had a long history of unsuccessful dieting attempts but I knew this time would be different. I think seeing quick results and dealing with the emotional issues all helped.  That and planning the whole exercise like a work project.  I started in April and soon decided that I would reach my target weight 23 November and that is exactly the day that I did.  I never doubted I could do it.  People would constantly say how marvellous I was, what great willpower I must have and how hard it must be.  The truth is it was actually quite easy.  

The Professional Dieter

When I was big I was definitely a professional dieter. I had absolutely loads of diet books, exercise equipment, cook books, diet products and clothes that I couldn't yet fit in. I knew the calorie and fat content of absolutely everything and even regularly worked out my basal background calorie level to check how much food I needed to lose weight.

 

But even with all that I still got to be a very big guy. The reason was that by buying diet products, reading about it, talking about losing weight, buying exercise DVD's and generally being involved in the diet lifestyle I felt like I was doing something and that allowed me to justify why I was big.

 

When anyone mentioned my weight I would tell them loads of technical reasons for me getting big and the reasons I was still big. I used to say I was carb sensitive, that I retained a lot of water and that ultimately it wasn't my "fault" I was big.

What Are You Good At?

From experience dieters are very good at telling themselves and others what they can't do, how bad they are at dieting and generally point out the negatives in themselves and rarely tell everyone what they are good at.

So what are you good at? What can you do that you would shout from the top of the mountains, what can you do that everyone else would love to be able to do...

Celebrate your skills and realise that you are an amazing person!

So I might be rubbish at golf but I am good at badminton! So I play and enjoy badminton and don't worry about the golf...

I Just Ate It, I Didn't Realise What I Was Doing

When I was teaching the one day workshop two years ago I had a lovely lady who asked me about how to stop compulsive eating. She said she would just eat things and was out of control and it just happened.

I asked for an example and she said she had cleared away her childrens plates after dinner, she would just eat the food left on the plate and not even realise it until she had done it.

I asked her to imagine the food on the kids plate was a week old, it was dried and mouldy and basically was looking pretty grim, would she then eat it?

She said 'Of course not!'

Then it wasn't an accident, it wasn't out of control and it didn't just happen.

I Don't Even Recognise That Person I Was

I had a great chat with someone last night who has just got to goal weight, they have reduced their weight by some six stone (84 pounds) and are looking great.

She was showing me an old picture of herself and telling me how awful she looked then and was talking about the old her with a lot of hate and almost venom at the 'state she had let herself' get into.

She was telling me she didn't even know or recognise the old her and it was like looking at someone else's pictures. Now all of that is absolutely fine and if it works for her then great but trust me the old you is still you!

But My Friend Lost A Pound More Than Me

Something I notice more and more is how people compare their bodies, their weight and their weekly results when dieting with other people. I did it myself where I used to get frustrated at losing two pounds in a week as someone in the office had lost four pounds.

 

But that is pure perception! At the end of the day, had I have thought that two pounds is actually two pounds nearer my goal, and that I was closer to being slim than the week before, and that it was all about me and me creating my own success, then I would have got there at 20 years old and not 32 years old!

Nobody Argues With A Big Guy

I spend most of my time working with ladies over guys as the diet industry tends to be that way, and hence I get asked a lot about the differences between men and women and the mindset of both.
 
In general the reasons behind why either sex get big is actually very similar and the more I see different people the more I see the same issues coming up again and again.
 
But, and this is a generalisation, there usually is one big difference between men and women when it comes to being overweight, and it was the same in my case when I was big.
 
For me, being big was useful as it made me believe I was tough as well. Therefore, if anyone wanted to pick on me or my family then I was this big lump of muscle that could protect and save them. The reality of course was totally different, but in my mind I thought if I was slim then I would be weak and hence get picked on. So for me one of the benefits of staying big was that it allowed me to be noticed!

How To Stay Focused On Your Diet

 

1. Have a well defined, achievable, positive, forward looking goal.

2. Break down your diet journey into bite size chunks.

3. Prioritise constantly.

4. Track your diet progress in depth.

5. Write down your goals and your feelings.

Quantity Or Quality?

I was lucky enough to go out last night to a very nice new restaurant. The menu was absolutely top notch with some great steaks and scallops. It was generally what I would call a 'posh' meal.

It was a work related meal and I was with a couple of guys who I hadn't seen for a few years, since I was big. They were chatting about weight, size etc. and one of them said 'Do you still like food?' and then said 'Or is the key to treat food as fuel and not like it any more?'

I sat there and my immediate thought was I actually enjoy food now loads more than I did when I was big. When I was big it was all about quantity, it was about ordering the biggest dish, or eating the most food, or eating between meals, or eating from other people's plates, finishing off deserts, sharing puddings but then eating 80% of them and generally getting the food into my system. I didn't ever have it in my mouth long enough to actually appreciate its taste, that wasn't the goal. The goal was to be happy and that didn't require you to actually taste anything.

BAS (Boney Arse Syndrome)

I was having a fantastic chat last night with someone who has just reduced her weight by6 stone (84 pounds). She was telling me all the good stuff she was now doing and was trying to convince me to get out my trainers again and do the Great North Run with her later this year.

But then she really made me laugh, she was talking about how now it hurts for her to have a bath, as when she sits in the bath her bum aches after a while as she is sitting on bone.

It reminded me immediately of  a couple of things from when I reduced my weight, I remember one morning asking advice from someone as I could feel something in my side, and yes it was my ribs! I hadn't felt them for many years and it freaked me out as they felt like a lump.

So Tell Our Viewers What The Key Was

What Was The Biggest Change In Your Life That Made All The Difference?

As you are reading this let yourself really relax.

Imagine for me, that you are slim and have just reduced your weight. After spending maybe a few years "struggling", you have finally got your mindset right, have reduced your weight, are at goal weight and look fantastic. You are healthy and this time you just know that you will be slim and happy and get on with the rest of your life without ever having to worry about your weight again.

A TV show call you as they have heard how amazingly well you have done and they have invited you onto the show as an inspiration to other people with weight issues.

Weight Loss Surgery

I had a couple of E-Mails from people over the weekend asking if I really don't diet anymore and whether I had secretly had a gastric band or bypass and hence the reason I am still slim.

I didn't take offence at all at the questions but it does go to show how alien it is that you can just do a diet once and then maintain by not dieting. It's so alien that people even question whether you are actually telling the truth or not.

Well I have had two operations since reaching goal, one of them was a tummy tuck as I had loads of loose skin round my tummy, the second operation was a smaller tummy tuck as the first result was not very good so I had it a year later to tidy it all up.

Need To Be Needed

'I always put my friends and family before me....'

'I'm always exhausted as I am running around like a headless chicken...'

'I get resentful if people don't appreciate me...'

'I like to be there for everyone..'

'I am always working late...'

Familiar?

I Want It And Need It

Everything you do in life is based on the motivation to do it or not to do it. People ask me all the time how they get motivated to lose weight and usually their language tells you that they not only don't know but also that they aren't motivated if they did know.
 
I have talked in the past about 'away from' motivation i.e. 'I don't want to die' and 'towards' motivation such as 'I want to be slim for my wedding' and both types do work to an extent. The problem with away from motivation is that you have to feel bad! If you are trying to get slim by not dying young then you are always thinking about not dying young and so 'away from' motivation is always a painful ride and usually doomed to fail.
 
So you may think that the towards motivation is the answer, and to an extent it is. If you know what you want then you are more likely to go and get it, but if you were already a gloriously happy positive person then you are unlikely to have a weight issue in the first place and therefore people tend not to suddenly become this.
 
So what is the answer you may ask!
 
The answer is both!
 
You need something to get you off your bum to start with, usually that is an 'away from' motivation such as a picture you saw, a comment that was made or a reality check conversation with your doctor. But then as soon as you start the diet you need to flick to a 'towards' motivation so that the journey is a fun and enjoyable one.
 
When I was at my biggest I was peeing blood and was told I might need a kidney transplant as I had so many painkillers that I had overdosed and damaged my kidneys. I also had a hernia which was agony and my back used to ache to the point I would cry while walking up the stairs at home. Eventually this was a big enough 'away from' motivation to start a diet. It forced me basically to start looking for a solution and therefore I did start a diet.
 
But then, by luck at the time, I had a holiday booked for five months later and as the weight fell off me I concentrated on how great that holiday was going to be and how much I wanted it and therefore the journey became fun.
 
So I needed to lose weight (away from) and I wanted to lose weight (towards). I needed to not pee blood and I wanted to go on a rollercoaster. I needed to be able to walk and I wanted to see Mickey Mouse, I needed to not die and I wanted to live!

So what is your diet motivation? It is absolutely key to doing some good stuff that you WANT and NEED to be slim.

The Scales?

It's 8am in the morning, have you thought about your weight yet today? have you weighed yourself yet? have you debated what to have for breakfast? or are you already planning your lunch and dinner?

When I was big and actually even more so when I got to goal weight I was diet obsessed, I would get up in the morning and immediately weight myself, I would then go to the loo have a shower and then sometimes weigh myself again.

If my weight had gone down a pound then I would be in a good mood for the day but if my weight had gone up then I would be in a bad mood.

I used to let a pin on a set of scales decide what I was going to feel for the next twelve hours.

But your weight does go up and down! Even slim people's weight fluctuates by a pound or three and ultimately you can't put loads of weight on unless you eating too much, and also you have to reduce weight if you are on a well designed healthy diet.

The scales are merely a measure of how you are doing, they are not anything more than that, they certainly aren't mood control metal !

Beat Me Up Scotty

Beating Yourself Up Does Nothing (Or Getting Me To Do It For You) 

One of the most common things I see when working with people 1-2-1 is that they want me to tell them off! I had someone  phone me last year and say would I be tough with her, and scare her into losing weight. She wanted to be worried that I would moan at her if she didn't!

 

Beating yourself up, or getting someone else to do it, to be frank, doesn't work! If you beat yourself up, or get someone else to tell you off then you are going to make yourself feel bad. Most overweight people have a tendency to eat when they feel bad. Therefore, by beating yourself up for being big you then eat more and so, get bigger. Therefore you create a vicious circle of

 

BIG

BEAT YOURSELF UP

FEEL BAD AFTER BEATING YOURSELF UP

EAT TO NOT FEEL BAD

GET BIGGER

BEAT YOURSELF UP

FEEL EVEN WORSE

EAT MORE TO NOT FEEL BAD

GET EVEN BIGGER

 

Therefore, be nice to yourself! If you start being nice to yourself and looking for the good stuff then you will start to feel nice feelings which then don't lead to you overeating.

 

When was the last time you paid yourself a compliment? Or when was the last time someone gave you a compliment and you accepted it?

 

The thing you have to remember is that you aren't broken! You aren't destined to be overweight forever, you aren't a bad person, you aren't a pig, greedy, or a failure. All you have done in the past is eaten too many calories for your body's needs. And that's it.....

 

And remember that part of you, the real you!, wants to be slim and healthy and happy...if it didn't then why would you be reading this? If you were a total failure then you wouldn't be wanting to make a difference.

 

I was chatting with someone on Facebook who said could they come and see me as they were a total failure...I said how can you have failed if you are coming to see me, you are still on the journey and still in the game?

 

You can change your life today! You can decide today to be slim and then diet to get to your ideal weight, then just eat the amount of calories your body needs and you will be set....Now it sounds so simple, the reality is that it is simple, but if you are going to beat yourself up and see yourself as broken then you won't do it.

 

So let's look at you....you are great! At your core you are a nice person who wants to be healthy and happy and really do some great things with your life. OK, you may have some behaviours that aren't working for you such as eating a bit too much in the past, but start looking in the mirror and realising that the true magic is inside you...You just have to realise you can be, and do, so much more than maybe you currently believe.
 

These Clothes Come Up Small

 

I was in London on Friday and went shopping for a new coat. I knew the one I wanted and went to the shop and tried it on. When I tried on my normal size it was really tight, the nice young lady came over to tell me 'not to panic', that this brand deliberately make their clothes small and not to get upset.

I assured her I was fine and wasn't upset and just tried the size up from my normal size which fitted fine.

When I went to to the till and was still chatting to her she said that loads of people won't buy the size up as it depresses them too much and therefore she thinks the brand are missing out on loads of sales by making their sizes smaller than normal!

It fascinated me! To be honest I don't care whether it says small/medium/large or huge on the label, it is whether I like it and whether it fits me properly.

It got me thinking back to when I was big and the fact I used to have to choose my clothes by size and not by style. I was stuck with whatever they had in my size and therefore now I just choose clothes based on what I like and then I check that they have my size in stock.

But I don't get hung up on clothes sizes now like I did. In fact, I don't get hung up on my size full stop like I did! I am a healthy weight and if one T-Shirt I try on is too small then I won't buy it anymore than if I try a T-Shirt on and it is too big! 

So turning this to you? Do you live on your clothes size? Do you control your weight by not moving out of a clothes size you are currently in?

Clothes are an important thing for a lot of dieters, including me when I got to goal, but ultimately it is whether you believe you look good in clothes that is the key and that is nothing to do with a size label.

Friendly Sabotage

But You're Doing So Well, Treat Yourself! I Don't Like To See You Suffering... 
 
There are many kinds of sabotage when it comes to people reducing their weight. There is the very obvious kind such as the jealous friend or work colleague. There is also the close relationship sabotage where the partner of the "dieter" doesn't actually want them to succeed. It brings out their own issues, including the fear of the "dieter" leaving  them and therefore they will make every effort to keep their partner from succeeding.  
 
One of the most common types though I see is quite different and is when the "dieter" has a concerned partner, relative or friend, who perceives that reducing  their weight is a struggle, or that they have done so well they deserve a treat as they just want the "dieter" to be happy. This can make reducing and maintaining weight  far less easy  by unintentionally sabotaging the "dieter" and not providing the strength and support required to help them reach their target.  
 
I see many people in this situation and they always ask "How did you deal with your partner when they wanted you to eat?" or "How did you deal with social situations where you really felt the pressure of expectation to eat?" the answer is that I valued being slim so much that I was prepared to say no to everyone, including my wife and family, to make sure that I reached my goal weight. I always said that I was being selfish when I reduced my weight but ultimately I was being selfish so that I guaranteed that I would be slim and hence be around for 20 years longer to see and enjoy my children grow up.  
 
Therefore when I talk to people about deciding to be slim then it is all about values. If you value being slim more than getting drunk at a wedding then why would there be a problem in not drinking? It comes down to a choice, but that choice will be made by you and therefore if your partner buys you a box of chocolates then do you value not upsetting them by putting them in the cupboard more than being slim and being healthy?  
 
Ultimately you can explain to your loved ones that you don't want them to buy you food based treats, you don't want them to try and organise drinks and meals and other things while you reduce your weight and explain the reason is that you are on a positive path in your life and don't want to hop off of it just yet....but if they then try and knock you out of that mindset then you need to be selfish, but with the absolute knowledge that by being slim you are going to be so much healthier and happier that it will benefit them more than they could know.  

How Easy Is It To Change?

The answer is of course very easy!

It is actually very easy to change something, think of all the things this year already you have changed, from the basics of your clothes right up to bigger life decisions. People change things all the time and a lot of the time they don't even realise they are doing it.

For a lot of dieters they tend to get stuck in a behaviour. They then go and try and use a diet to change things when actually all it changes is what you eat and not why you eat. So for me, when working with people 1-2-1 it is about what is stopping them changing.

Because deciding to be slim is a very quick decision, and in most cases, people are very happy to do that, it then becomes about the fear of changing. So for example, I was working with someone before last Christmas who wanted to be slim but she had the "What if..." problem.

She not only wanted to be slim but also wanted to go out with her friends, so "What if?" she didn't go out with them, and then "What if?" she got slim and people treated her differently, and "What if?" she put the weight back on and everyone talked about her.

Therefore the decision to change is suddenly a lot cloudier than it was before and people get stuck.

For me I truly believe that nobody wants to be overweight, there may be advantages to them in terms of being invisible, or in my case tougher, but I believe that nobody is broken and that ultimately we all want to be happy in life and for that being healthy is needed. I am always listening for people's "What If?"

Turning this to you! You know exactly how to get slim, and stay slim, nowadays we have more food labelling and nutritional advice than we have ever had before. You know the average lady needs around 1800 to 2000 calories a day, and the average guy around 2300 to 2500. We all know we should eat five a day and that too much salt is not a good thing but that isn't the real problem is it? The problem is that we have all used and continue to use food as a sticky plaster for other issues in our lives, so until you get rid of the "What If?" and just realise that food doesn't truly help you emotionally then you won't change.

But if you decide tonight like I did four years ago that you can change by just deciding to do something different and then smile and laugh as you are going to be slim then you will be amazed at the results.

The reason I am sure about this is that at my biggest I weighed over 27 stone and I was THE worst dieter in the world and I decided to change and did it, therefore I believe if one person can reduce their weight and then stop dieting and go and do something more fun then the whole world can do it. I think we spend too much time concentrating on the problem of obesity as opposed to looking at people who are slim and concentrating on their success!

Learning To Use Food To Numb The World

 

I learnt early in life to use food for the emotional benefit it gave me. I can first remember overeating when I was around ten years old, I can remember going through a tough time both at home and at school and coming in from school on a winter's evening and looking for some comfort. I was in the house by myself and it was dark, cold and gloomy.

I can picture it now some twenty five years later as if I was back there in the kitchen of our lovely big house! I can remember having a bowl of crunchy nut corn flakes, it was a big bowl of them and on the top I put single cream and milk with more of it being cream than milk.

As I ate the corn flakes they numbed the world, everything for those split seconds fell quiet as I focussed on how nice they tasted and the treat I was having. 

After a few minutes, I had finished the corn flakes but still had a mix of milk and cream left so I refilled the bowl with more cornflakes to mop up the milk, I then of course ran out of milk so put more cream on the top, from memory I had around four of five refills before I felt full and satisfied. For maybe ten minutes of eating I had felt great, I had forgotten all my problems, and I was too young to care about he consequences or even to understand the consequences of eating that amount of calories. 

I was already chunky at this age anyway and already had an identity of being big as I was the biggest of my school friends but at that age it wasn't an issue as it was just big Mike ! People used to say I had puppy fat and that I would burn it off when I hit puberty but the reality was I was learning by the day to use food as a duvet and the seeds were being set for my later years.

The behaviour I learnt then I went on to use for the next twenty years, if I had a bad day or needed comfort then just for a split second it was there while I was eating it, sure afterwards I would feel guilty and self-loathing and the older I got the more I disliked myself for overeating and yes sure ten seconds after the last mouthful I would feel guilty as hell but in the moment, the moment it hit my taste buds it was such a drug to me to help me through my life. I was in control, I could choose to eat as much as I liked, sure I might get bigger and bigger but I could have what I wanted when I wanted and I wanted big portions and often, the bigger I got the more I then needed to satisfy the need.

As I am much more self-aware now than I was then I can see that food was never the problem, it was my relationship with food that was the problem, and back in 1984 on an innocent afternoon I learnt something that took me twenty years to choose to stop doing.

I can't unlearn overeating now, and I certainly don't want to forget my past as it is still me but maybe back then if I had learnt not to use food as a blanket then I wonder how my life would have panned out? The silver lining of all of this of course is now I get to help other people which I couldn't have done so empathetically had I not have been so big but it's a journey I would never recommend to a friend...

Leopards Can't Change Their Spots

 

Firstly, this is merely a belief that some people have. It is common to believe that once you have a certain personality trait or show certain behaviours that they are intrinsic in you and somehow go through to your core. You maybe can stop them for a while with willpower but ultimately you are who you are and will go back to being the real you.

Now I absolutely believe that the real you is always the real you and won't change at your core but I also don't believe for a second that the real you happens to enjoy dieting, overating, yoyoing and living the lifestyle of obsessing over food. 

Overeating is not who you really are, overeating is a behaviour that you will have learnt in the past, probably in childhood/teenage years, that you will still be using today, therefore because it is a behaviour then you can just stop it!

My little boy is turning eleven in April and since he was five years old he has loved these little footballers called Microstars, He would sit for hours on his bedroom floor playing little matches and running leagues. Every Christmas and Birthday he wanted nothing but more Microstars and a green mat in his bedroom as a pitch. 

But then just before Christmas he stopped playing with them. I noticed that they hadn't been out of the box for a few weeks and asked him why he wasn't playing with them anymore and he just said that he had moved on!

I thought it was a brilliant answer and since then he has been trying loads of other new hobbies.

Now, if I believe that people can't change then surely that means he would play with little footballers for the rest of his life?

Absolute rubbish! 

So turning this to you...do you believe you really can change? That you can get off this diet wagon for good? The beliefs you have about yourself are the key to long term success and not the behaviours as they can be switched on and off at your pleasure.

You change things all of the time in your life from which supermarket you go to, to which route you to take to work, to which coffee you might order in Starbucks. The one thing that is absolutely certain in life is change!

I was reading an amazing book this week by Eckhart Tolle about living in the now. He talks about the real you and what an amazing person that is, but he also goes on to say that the only thing that is real is NOW...the past isn't real anymore as it doesn't exist anymore and the future isn't real as it hasn't happened yet. Therefore by enpowering yourself to live in the now, you are in control of yourself and your own destiny. As part of living in the now, I have chosen not to change my spots, but not to behave like a leopard at all!

Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter - Part Three

 

 So this is the last part of the happiness jigsaw!

Once you have the right mix of stability and excitement in your life, the right mix of good self esteem, good group connections and great relationships then you are just left with 5 & 6 to move on with your life.

So number 5 is growth. The standard law of nature is that if something isn't growing then it is dying, so are you growing in your life?

I was doing a performance review at work this week and had a member of staff tell me that he enjoys 'treading water' and didn't want to develop or get any better at his job. 

The reality is that you can't 'tread water' in life, change is absolutely certain and therefore you must be growing.

Growing includes growing in terms of learning at college or reading up on a new subject. It may be growing in your relationships or taking on a new project in the garden. It may be swapping jobs for a new challenge that allows you to develop. Whatever it is you have to feel that in your life you are moving onwards and upwards.

So turning this to you, how exactly are you growing in your life? Do you feel like you are in neutral and don't have a focus?

The ultimate question that many people I work with have no answer for is

'What do you want to do with the rest of your life and what is your life goal?'

And then just number 6!

Number 6 is what I call the secret millionaire...it is giving back...

Do you give back to the world? As an example I sit and type this newsletter every Saturday morning and send it out to you all. It costs me an amount of money per month to send this out to everyone and it takes me a good couple of hours to format all of this and make it look tidy. It then takes Jo an hour to do all the spell checking and sort out my awful grammar...but I don't charge you and I don't expect anything back.

The reason is that I am giving something back to the world. I was a very big guy who was heading for disaster with my health and I know that others need help and it makes me happy by giving them back my experiences.

But here is the key! You give back without needing others to say thanks or because you NEED others.

Now I love when you E-Mail me or comment on posts but if nobody does then I will still blog because I don't NEED you to respond.

The best way I can explain this is when I first became a diet counsellor I used to see people til midnight and was doing 100 hour weeks. The reason I was literally forcing myself into a breakdown was that I needed people to tell me how good I was, how great it was that I was helping them, how I was an inspiration to them. You see I didn't like myself at all and therefore needed others to convince me otherwise. I used to ask people all the time whether I was good enough as I didn't believe I was.

And that is why all of these 6 points link into each other. If you don't like yourself (number 3) then you go in search of others to tell you that are you ok (number 4). If you aren't growing in your life (number 5) then you feel bored and unsatisfied (number 1) and therefore you crave some excitement (number 2) but if you give back too much (number 6) then you can blow up other areas of your life and lose relationships (number 1) etc etc

So life is a balance! And these 6 points all need to be balanced with each other.

But I PROMISE you if you have a good stable life with some excitement in it, you have good relationships like yourself and you are growing and helping others when you can then suddenly food will not be an issue for you as you'll not need food as a sticky plaster.

When I went through these points back in 2006 I realised that I had very little excitement in life (number 2), and that I was not growing in my life (number 5) and that I was giving too much time to everyone else (number 6) and therefore I changed things to address that and suddenly life was better!

Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter - Part Two

 

 Following on from yesterdays post, the third thing that people need to be happy is significance. 

Significance comes from the self so you feel that you are significant/special/important/valued/needed. It means that you know you are a good person who is good at the things you do.

This is where the 'self' sits in terms of self-esteem.

It means you are happy being you, you like yourself and you love yourself and you are more than happy to be with yourself as you realise you are actually a fantastic person inside.

Now people go for significance in different ways and the outcomes can either be positive or negative.

Some people will get significance by achieving success and having lots of money and a big house, some people will try and get significance by putting other people down to make themselves look good. Some people get significance by having children and taking pride in their success.

But ultimately, however you get significance in your life, does it work for you?

I know a volunteer who literally works 100 hour weeks to help everyone else in the area and has no time for themselves. They cannot do enough to help everyone else but I would argue that they are so eager to help that they crave being told they are great because they don't truly believe it themselves.

When I got slim and everyone was saying how great I was looking the reality is I didn't believe them. I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw, I was looking at my big ears and my loose skin and beating myself up.

I would ask people all the time to confirm if I was still slim and would crave other people telling me that I was looking good as I didn't believe it myself as I didn't like myself.

The problem is with that, and believe me it is very very common, is that if you don't really like and love yourself then it doesn't matter if you ask everyone in the world you still aren't going to believe them.

So turning this to you...do you like yourself? do you love yourself? do you have the right mix of significance in your life?

The reality is the true you inside knows you are great but all the baggage and 'crap' in life can sometimes make you think that you aren't the huge success that you really are and can be.

Next time you ask someone to confirm that you look good, look in the mirror instead and confirm to yourself that you do as ultimately, it is the feeling you have about yourself that is the key.

Number four in the list is the group connection. This means that you have group connections that add to your own significance which build it but doesn't bolster it.

What I mean by this is that you are happy being you, happy doing what you want to do and would be great being by yourself BUT you also love being part of a group whether that be the family unit, at work, a hobby or interest group or even part of Facebook!

Now the mix between 3 and 4 is as key as the certainty/uncertainty mix from last week.

The perfect mix is when you adore and love having people but you do it because you WANT it and not because you NEED it.

A few years ago I could not be by myself as when I was, I just used to beat myself up for being so overweight and useless. I therefore craved being in groups so that everyone could say I was a nice guy as left to my own devices, I would secret eat to try and numb my thoughts.

So turning this to you...do you have the group connections you need? Do you have an interest or a passion that you would like to connect to others with? Do you spend enough time with your friends and family to give you the group connection you need?

Bowling is a good example here. I bowl in the league on a Thursday night. Now I go and love the atmosphere and the sarcasm when I score less than 100 from my team members. I like myself now and I know I am a nice guy but I also love being part of that group but I go because I want to, not because I need them to tell me how good or bad I am.

What I would welcome you to do now is have a think about everything above. The main thing though is whether you like yourself...go look in the mirror deep in your eyes and do you FEEL that you are a fantastic person...now I know you are! Your significant others know you are...so what is it in you that stops you knowing it yourself?

Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter - Part One

 

The key to being slim and healthy is actually to be happy, as when you are happy then everything else just slots into place and works. Over the next three posts we will go over the six needs of a happy person/dieter. I have covered numbers 1 and 2 before but I shall go over them again now and then do 3 & 4 tomorrow and 5 & 6 on Friday.

These are in order of importance so 1 & 2 are the most important.

So the number 1 thing that a happy person needs is certainty in their life. We all need to feel a sense of security that things are going to be okay. Certainty gives us peace of mind and assurance. Knowing that you have somewhere to sleep, something to wear, money to eat, a job to earn money etc.

We all crave certainty in our lives and use different behaviours to achieve that result. When you are feeling angry, stressed, worried or unsure then how can you meet the need for certainty?

Some people will use destructive behaviours to try and get certainty in their lives. For example, if you are worried about something and haven't got certainty and you eat something to feel better, the outcome can be that you'll end up overweight.

Now a lot of dieters I work with are 'control freaks' as they crave for certainty in their lives by trying to control everything. An overweight person is not actually out of control with their eating, they are absolutely in control of their intake. As they are in control, they can have what they like.

We all crave certainty in our lives but the way we try and get it can either be positive or negative. If you are trying get certainty by controlling everything then that is a very tiring way of living your life. It is also very tiring for those who live around you. The best way to get certainty is to have faith in yourself and actually be proactive in your life and take action.

However, the problem is that if you have total certainty in your life then life is stale, boring, and needs spicing up!

Therefore the biggest paradox in the human psyche, the 2nd biggest thing we all need, is uncertainty, because uncertainty gives 'spice' to life and stops life getting tedious.

I was absolutely a control freak a few years ago and I had the 'perfect' life with everything I wanted but I was bored and hence, I decided to get uncertainty by doing some really destructive behaviours, my advice now is if you are looking for some uncertainty in life then pick your behaviours carefully.

Uncertainty is linked to adrenaline as when you have uncertainty you get an adrenal response. Now this can either be through a positive excitement or a negative fear and the choice is yours! My advice is to go and do something that is really exciting and a challenge to you as that will give you some good times.

But lets look at food! It gives you both certainty and uncertainty and that is why it is so well used. Food is a fantastic sticky plaster to all areas of your life and is so linked in with emotion that unless you have a really good mix of uncertainty and certainty then it can be part of the paradox.

So lets turn this to you..have you got enough certainty in your life? Are you feeling relaxed and sure in life that you are going in the right direction, do you know where you are going in life? what do you want to do in the next 25 years? have you got the relationships you want and need? have you got everything that allows you to lay in bed at night without worrying about what is happening?

And then, have you got enough uncertainty? Are you having fun in your life? Is your uncertainty through positive behaviours such as mountain climbing, starting a new venture, learning a new hobby, travelling to new places etc or are you getting uncertainty through destructive behaviours such as starting arguments, having affairs, eating or spending on credit cards?

Because you cannot stop yourself trying to find the mix here, if you have 100% certainty then your will crave uncertainty, and if you have 100% uncertainty then you will crave the certainty.

Now the mix should be around 80/20 with certainty being the higher of the two and it is a good idea to look at whether you feel this is where you are.

There is a reason that roller coasters are so popular! You get the fear and excitement of being launched around and spun upside down BUT you also have the certainty that you have a good harness on that will look after you and get you back to the ground at the end. 

I know that loads of you will be reading this now and know exactly that you are either bored in your life with something missing or feeling uneasy, worried and stressed with too much uncertainty. That just means you are the same as the rest of us. When I realised that there is a happy medium where you can have both then you'll find that automatically food is less of an emotional issue to you.

A Good Day Today

 

What are you going to do to enjoy your day today?

You Really Can Do It

One of the biggest challenges I have when working with people is to get them to realise that they can actually be slim and not have to worry about their weight anymore.
 
As dieters, we are bombarded with information from all angles about what works, what doesn't work, what might work and how to do it and not do it.
 
Everyone is an expert and yet, we as a society are getting bigger and bigger the more diets and advice that are given out.
 
So my expert advice ;-) it to say to you that you know what is best for you! I can't make you slim, neither can anyone else, only you can make you slim.
 
But you can do it! If you are a stone overweight or twenty stone overweight then you can be slim. If you came round my house and I locked you in my shed long enough then you would get to goal weight so at a technical calorie/fat loss level you most definitely can trim down.
 
And then if after you got to goal weight I put about 2000 calories under the shed door (mostly plaice and pancakes obviously) then you would continue to be at goal weight until the day I opened the shed door.
 
So please please realise that you can be slim...
 
Once you accept that something is possible in your mind then you go searching for ways to actualise that possibility and make it happen. 
 
Now if, like I did, you have dieted for a long time then all that negative experience tells you that you will fail along the way, that you will find it hard and even impossible and that you are destined to remain big or yoyo.
 
But again I challenge that! The reason I know that isn't true is that I don't yoyo anymore, I don't struggle with my weight and I don't diet anymore. Therefore it can be done and therefore you really can do it.
 
So once you have accepted that you not only can get slim in my shed, and that you can maintain without dieting then you need a plan.
 
People spend ages every week coming up with a list of shopping to get from the supermarket, but how often do you really spend time coming up with a diet or life plan?
 
So then you have the plan and as per my introduction above, once you have a plan then that is fantastic but time to put your world into it and make that plan become a story and make it happen!
 
Nobody, nobody is 'fat'....it is not who you really are! If I strip back that fat suit and all that crap and baggage from your past then in the middle is a lovely person who deserves all the good stuff in life and that includes being healthy!

What Specifically Do You Want With Your Weight?

Stated in the positive, what specifically do you want with your weight?