The Diet Guy

Obesity Ills Are A 'Myth'

The obesity crisis was in the national news yesterday with a front page on the Daily Express saying that many of the claims made about the risks of being obese were actually false and misleading.

The article can be read on the Daily Express at Obesity Ills Are A 'Myth'

I was sitting, while on a weekend away, reading the article and just trying to work out the benefit of telling the world that the claims are true or untrue. I guarantee within a week or two there will be another article saying that the risks of being overweight are huge and that the obesity timebomb is going to cost the country billions of pounds in taxpayers money to look after everybody who falls ill.

But by confusing everyone with what is, and isn't, healthy really does nobody any good. I listened to the so-called experts for years and yet was more confused on whether I should eat eggs, low carb, no carb, peanuts or prawns, so now I make my own decisions and I am my own expert.

Now, for me, being slim is really important, not because it means I am healthy and not getting diabetes or some other disease, but being slim is important because it allows me to do things like play active sports, run, row and enjoy my hobbies.

I didn't lose weight based on what a health risk it might or might not be, so my advice for this week is listen to yourself and not everyone else, make your own choices, your own decisions and create your own plan and path and walk down it yourself.

We are constantly bombarded by everyone telling us what is best for us but I question how they know more about me than I know about myself.

You are the expert of you, you have lived with yourself for years and therefore you know what is best, now if you decide to trim down then great but if you are happy to stay bigger then great! But make sure you base the decision on your own opinion and not that of the latest 'expert' who will be discredited within a few years anyway.

Tell The World!

When I got to goal weight I spent a lot of time analysing why it was this time I dieted that I succeeded where I had failed so many hundreds of times before. Why that day in late September 2005 I decided to be slim and why didn't I do it in March 2000 or November 1991!

I came up with loads of things that were different but one of them was the fact I told everyone exactly what I was going to do.

I E-Mailed all my staff at the time and told them to watch me shrink over the next few months, I started an online daily blog of my weight journey and I told all my friends and family to either support me or get the hell out of my way as I was heading to slimdom and nothing was going to stop me.

Now the reason I told people was twofold, firstly, I wanted the checks and balances of telling everyone and therefore not wanting to let them or myself down, but more than that, I actually knew I was going to get slim. Even on the first day as I slipped my 54 inch work trousers down I knew I was going to trim down and so why wouldn't I tell everyone as the result was never in doubt.

I work with a lot of people who say they want to keep it a secret that they are dieting. If you are successful at dieting, then ultimately it will be impossible for everyone to not realise as you shrink before their eyes anyway.

Therefore, be loud, be proud and tell people the journey you are going on. I always tell people to keep a journal or blog (even if that is in private) so that you can be accountable to yourself and realise the journey you are going on.

I wouldn't recommend going on the TV or national newspapers like I did because it really did me no favours, but within your own circle of friends and family, be confident enough in your success that you can talk freely about it.

My opinion is that if you can't tell anyone you are going on a diet then you won't do it! If you tell the world then they can stand back and watch your amazing success.

How Much Do You Value Yourself ?

Last year I was chatting with someone about their weight issues and I asked them how much they valued themselves, their answer will always stay with me as they said 'I am worth about 10p...'

So my first question to you is how much do you value yourself? But instead of answering what you think you should answer and say 'I am worth millions!!' or 'I am priceless!!', what does the real you think? Feel inside and see what reaction you give yourself. When I do this a lot now with people and listen to the real them, the results can be surprising.

When I was big I didn't value certain aspects of myself. I certainly didn't value my health and also allowed my self-esteem to take regular knocks by the way I lived my life and allowed others to push me around and upset me.

I work with a lot of people who work very hard, they work long hours in their jobs, they then rush home to keep the house going, they cook and clean for everyone and give up most of their spare time to help others. They run the mentality of 'when everyone else is happy then I can be happy...' but the logic doesn't work, you end up not valuing yourself and allowing yourself to always be 2nd, 3rd or 56th in the queue and therefore when it comes to putting time aside for you then it never happens.

Valuing yourself  is one of the absolute corner stones of long term weight maintenance, if you don't care what happens to you then the rest of the world won't up their opinion of you. You need to value your health and yourself very very highly, in fact, I would argue that you should be top of your list with your friends and family a very close second. I would go back to the question the other day of 'Would you teach your children to put themselves 30th ?' in which case why is it good enough for you to do the same?

You deserve to be healthy and happy, anyone who tries to hold you back needs cutting loose, it is your birth right to be able to live your own life in your own way with your own agenda. Once your realise that and value yourself higher then the rest of the world will come to value you to the same level.

You are priceless...you just have to realise it !

Living Till 100 Is Great..But This Bit Of Cake Will Go To Waste

'People will give up what they really want, for what they really want right now'

I remember when I was big worrying about dying young because of how unhealthy and how big I was, but the one thing about food is that it kills you slowly, yeah sure I was a very big boy and I struggled but ultimately I could go to work, earn money, have kids, buy a house, drive a car, go out to the cinema and do the same things that slim people could.

Now if I was a really hardcore drug taker or gambled thousands down the casino every night then it would be a very short 'addiction' until I was in real trouble but by overeating I just had a bit of misery to deal with.

I remember loads of people telling me how I was going to be in trouble in later life with my health and why not trim down but you see it is very hard to get excited about living longer! Sure it sounds cool to live to 100 over 80 but when you are 20 and you are offered to go out and get drunk and have a pizza then the goal of living till 2074 isn't as motivational as you might think.

Therefore when picking your goals then sure to live to a ripe old age is great but what are you going to do in those extra years you have got? What are you going to achieve with the rest of your life? Start looking above the diet, above the crap of the past and everything that has got in your way...what do you really want to do?

I'll Do Whatever It Takes To Get Slim...

I have heard this so many times over the past few years of working with people. People will come and see me with such determination and grit and say that nothing is going to stop them getting slim. They talk a great fight and say that they will do whatever it takes to get down to goal weight.

But talk is just that ! talk...and dreams will always stay dreams without action that is constant and positive facing.

I can tell you now I will do anything to be a millionaire but if you then said 'sell your kids' then I would immediately say no !

Therefore the words don't match the action and for good reason.

So when you say you will do whatever it takes to get something then are you trying to convince yourself or kid yourself ? Would you have an argument with your partner by turning down a nice meal out so you can trim down? Would you upset loved ones by stepping out of your 'big' box and becoming someone new? Would you risk not being part of the diet club at work anymore?

I once worked with a lady who's husband gave her the ultimatum of stop losing weight or he would leave her as he liked her big, she therefore stopped dieting as she didn't want to lose weight as much as she didn't want to lose her marriage. Now that is fine and was her choice but please realise that dieting or not dieting is always a choice of yours and nobody else.

Do Or Do Not. There Is Not Try - Yoda

When working with people 1-2-1 I am not just listening to what they say, I am also looking at the way they say it, there body language, they facial expressions, their hand gestures and also tuning into the exact words they are using when talking about their weight.

In the past I have worked with some very successful dieters who have lost massive amounts of weight, and the common factor is they have ALL done it with such enthusiasm and focus that I never doubted their success for one minute and more importantly neither did they.

I was chatting with someone last night over a coffee who was talking about her weight and she said she was about to start a new low carb diet that apparently 'was taking America by storm' and that she would 'give it a try and see how she got on.'

Now her shoulders didn't move, her face didn't light up, her hands didn't build me a picture, she showed very little emotion apart from the look of failure before she has even started.

Weight Loss Or Weight Reduction ?

Surely the same thing though?

Or are they ?

The language we use about ourselves, our lives, and what we are trying to achieve are key, if you say you are going to try and lose weight then are you convincing me or yourself?

Which sounds more positive and likely ?

I might try and trim down a few pounds before my holiday

Or

I am going to get slim for my holiday

People talk about losing weight all the time but if you lose something then you tend to want to find it again, if you 'lose your car keys' now then you will spend the day looking for them.

So never lose weight, banish it instead, get rid of it ! forever!

If you check Google this month then 13.6 million searches have been done for Weight Loss but only 74 thousand for weight reduction.

But do you tell people you are going to lose weight? or reduce weight?

My last diet I was never losing weight as I had no intention of finding it again, I was getting slim forever and I was very careful with my language to make sure I was talking in the positive, therefore it was always about getting slim and being healthy and never about NOT being fat anymore.

I See A Big Fat Blubbery Whale, It's Disgusting...

I was watching TV in bed this morning, while I had breakfast, and there was a summer fitness programme on which takes overweight people and 'tones' them up for summer.

They had a lovely lady on who they got to stand in front of a mirror and was asked what she saw...

She said 'I see a big fat blubbery whale, it's disgusting...'

I just wanted to jump into the TV and talk to her and get her to realise that the key with your body isn't to get it perfect but allow your eyes to see imperfection perfectly.

You are who you are ! More and more I believe in affirmations and therefore if you continue to berate and call yourself names then you will believe that you are destined to forever be overweight.

I don't have the perfect body now, I still have loads of loose skin, big ears, weird looking little toes and a dog ear on the end of my tummy tuck scar but I don't care ! It isn't affecting my life and doesn't stop me going skinny dipping or going in the shower at the gym. When I walk round supermarkets and see magazines with super toned six pack guys on the front then I just think 'Good for them!' but doesn't mean I want to replicate it or feel jealous that they have a body that I don't.

The Elephant And The Rider

The best metaphor I have read to explain the way the human mind works in terms of conscious / unconscious thinking is from the brilliant book Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science by Jonathan Haidt.

In it, he talks about the human mind working like the elephant and a rider. The rider represents the 'controlled' conscious mind, in other words, the part of you that thinks and talks to yourself, the rider is the one that thinks it can make the elephant go wherever it wants and tries to control it.

The elephant though is much older than the rider. The elephant is an animal and therefore is centred more around emotions, visceral response and, like Pavlov's dog, will respond to stimulus control. The elephant doesn't work on logic or facts and figures, it doesn't base it's behaviour on what it should do, or even what the rider thinks it should do.

The rider has basically very little control over the elephant, the rider can advise and analyse and try and guide the elephant but unless the elephant wants to move then it is going nowhere. 

The problems come when the rider and the elephant aren't working together in harmony. For example, when the rider wants the elephant to go left and the elephant wants to go right, that's when problems occur.

The winner though will always be the elephant, it is a lot bigger than the rider, it's responses have been learnt over a much longer period of time and therefore the rider is merely a passenger.

The key is to realise that the rider is capable of training the elephant, the rider can use his higher intelligence to train the elephant in subtle ways to get a different response, he can train the elephant to avoid situations that are damaging to it and get back in harmony with each other.

Why Don't You Talk To Him ?

I went ten pin bowling last night in a local league and while I was there I got chatting with one of the girls, she pointed out on one of the other teams that there was a really big guy who was clearly struggling to bowl due to his size and she asked me 'Why don't you talk to him?'

I asked her what she thought I should say !

And she said that maybe I could convince him to go on a diet or to seek help.

But I then explained to her that if he came over and asked for my help that I would give it 100% but that you can never force anyone to do anything that they don't want to do. Now sure I can chat to him and drop in a few hints that I could help him if he wanted the help but ultimately you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink, all you can do is ram it's head in the water and upset it or drown it.

Now I know my loved ones were desperate for me to lose weight and would 'get on to me' all the time about trimming down and how I was going to die young if I didn't go on a diet, but the more people offered their opinions the more the rebel in me thought 'I'll do exactly what I want...' and then I would eat more.

I still remember seeing the doctor when I was at my biggest and peeing blood everywhere and worried I was going to lose a kidney he told me 'lose weight or you are going to die' and I left the surgery, went over the supermarket opposite and bought a packet of biscuits and ate them in the car on the way back to work.

Because I wasn't ready to listen, I was too blinkered to see what I was really doing to myself and the more people who told me the more I ignored them.

The point therefore of this post is to say if you have a loved one, friend or family then you cannot force them to lose weight anymore than anyone can force you to do something you aren't ready to do. I always tell people I am there for them, if they want help then I will do my best for them but it is always their decision and it doesn't matter how much I want it for them they have to want it more.

The Revelation Moment !

Most dieters I work with are very good at analysing their own problems, they already know what most, if not all, their issues are and have a very clear view of the landscape and what they need to do.

But the problem can be they don't do it, so they analyse themselves a bit more and spend more time debating in their heads why they can't just trim and slim down and stay there.

Einstein once said 'We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them'

And that is very true, if you dwell on a problem long enough then it will stay a problem and the more you analyse the problem the more it becomes a problem...

When I chat with people they are looking for the revelation moment, the time when they realise the one moment in their past that got them big and what they need to do now to change it.

But the reality is that there isn't really a revelation moment, sure there are times you will make decisions and stick to them and that is great but don't expect a light bulb to appear above your head and the pounds fall off you.

The key to success to find something that works for you and repeat, repeat, repeat until you are slim, everyday you need a revelation moment to keep the wind behind you and remind you why you are on this journey.

Skinny Blueberry Muffin

I was standing in Starbucks with a friend just before Christmas and I ordered a skinny blueberry muffin to go with my coffee. When we sat down he asked me did I watch what I ate still and didn't I fancy the full fat blueberry muffin?
 
As he said it my inner voice said 'Why would I?'
 
And it was such a revelation to me!
 
In other words my logic now is 'I don't care whether I have a skinny muffin or a full fat muffin so why would I choose the full fat one?'
 
If I was to rate how much I wanted them both out of 10, then they would both score the same...
 
Therefore I am not hard done by by choosing the lower calorie / lower fat option as it is the same to me.
 
If, for example, I was choosing between a vegetarian panini and a steak and cheese panini then I would want the steak one more and hence I would have it!
 
And it is a logic that works for me so well now and I didn't even realise that I did it!
 
I have thought about it since then and I do it in loads of areas of food now. I drink black coffee and have done for 5 years. I like white coffee and black coffee the same and so why would I choose white coffee?
 
I like Helllmans mayonnaise both in full fat, light and extra light the same! Therefore why would I choose the full fat one?
 
But I don't like Heinz reduced sugar baken beans as much as normal Heinz beans so I have normal ones...
 
My point here is if you feel that you are not having things that you really want then you feel bad and end up resenting the diet or lifestyle you are following. Eating broccolli when you want chips doesn't tend to lead to much enthusiasm and smiling.

You Know When You Need A Wee ?

You know the first time you think 'I really need to go to the loo!'

If you are in the middle of something then you think 'I'll go in a bit...'

And the feeling usually subsides...

But after a while your body knocks again and say 'No really I need to go to the loo!', this time though the urge to go is a lot stronger.

But because you are still busy you decide you'll go in 10 minutes and again the urge subsides...

In 10 minutes though your body comes back and says 'Seriously if you don't go find a loo right now then we are going to be in trouble...'

And therefore most of the time you will then go and find a toilet and everything will be fine.

But if you did happen to ignore your body again then the chances are you would have a problem and embarrass yourself in public.

Now you are probably thinking 'What has this got to do with dieting?'

And the answer is about problems. For me, I used food to bury my problems. I had issues from my past that I had not dealt with at all and used food as a tool to numb those problems and bury them as deep as I could. I used to say to people that I buried my problems so deep that you'd need a JCB to get to them... but the problem is every time I ignored my real issues they went away for a while but then they came back stronger each time, the more my self esteem took a beating the more food I needed to help with the pain and therefore I was getting bigger and bigger.

The more I tried to ignore my feelings of anger, guilt, sadness and fear the most they ate away at me as I sat on the sofa and tried to find solace at the bottom of a bag of crisps.

New Week, New You ?

I always smile on a Monday morning as that was my 'diet day'.

I would always plan to start every diet I ever did on a Monday morning when I woke up, the main reason being it gave me licence to eat what I wanted over the weekend as I was going to deal with afterwards. The amount of 'last suppers' I had on a Sunday night was quite astonishing, I would even have a few bowls of cereal before bed on the Sunday night as my final 'treat' before I started my starvation diet on the Monday.

And Monday would come and I would wake up with huge enthusiasm as I went to work with a carefully crafted packed lunch of an apple, some dry crisp things and a salad...

I would usually start to crumble on the Monday night as I convinced my wife and myself that it was ok to have an extra yoghurt as I had walked a bit in the afternoon. I would 'secret eat' when my wife wasn't looking and sneak a bit of cheese or a wafer thin slice of ham out of the fridge.

And by Tuesday night the diet was totally on the rocks as I swapped to a low carb approach to trim off a few pounds as I could strip glycogen quickly out of my body which would make the scales look good...I knew if I ate protein for a few days and avoided bread that my weight would go down by four to six pounds which I used to kid myself that I was losing fat.

And as the week went on I got less and less motivated and more intent on stopping the diet...eventually I would 'bin' the diet as I was out the weekend anyway and plan the next 'diet day' for the following Monday, I did this for literally years and years and years without ever really stepping back and thinking 'this isn't working Mike!'

Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure

I got sent the video below yesterday by an E-Mail subscriber and absolutely loved the sentiment behind it and therefore wanted to share it with you.

When I work with people 1-2-1 I am always asking them what could they achieve if they let themselves, now I am asking you ?

Also I have found a great blog of a guy who is currently trimming down, if you get chance then check it out at Less Of A Man , yet another inspirational blogger who opens his world to help himself and others.

Emotional State Check

Do you ever pay attention to the emotional state you are in during the day? Are there times of the day when you become aware of yourself and how you are feeling? If you ask yourself now how you are feeling and start to notice the emotional state you are in ?

How do does you body feel? Are you calm, relaxed, tense, tired or full of energy?

What occupies your mind and your thoughts? Are you thinking of people, jobs, the future, the past, today?

Are you feeling any emotions? Happiness, guilt, anger, loss, anticipation ?

Where do you feel those emotions? In your head, chest, abdomen, knot in your stomach or ache in your back?

Your emotional state and physical state are inexplicably linked and therefore what you think you physically feel and vice versa.

Most people don't realise they are in a certain emotional state, the reality is you are always in an emotional state regardless of where you are or what you are doing.

The key is learning to realise what state you are in and making sure it is state that is working for you,  in NLP terms we call is resourceful and non-resourceful states.

A resourceful emotional state would be happy, inspired, motivated or creative whereas a non-resourceful state would be angry, guilty or fearful.

The Difference Between Guys And Girls...

I have worked with thousands of people over the past 4 years with the majority being female, I would guesstimate about 90% women and 10% men and I have always been fascinated about the differences between them in terms of dieting mindset and reasons why they got big in the first place.

Now people say to me that guys can view weight loss as more of a project and therefore are more focused and capable of success than ladies, I have to say I haven't seen that! I have seen very determined guys achieve massive results but then again I have also had massive success with ladies as well, in fact my biggest success was a female who reduced her weight by nearly 14 stone (196 pounds.)

Some other people say it is emotion, women get big because of emotion but guys get big because of their lifestyles, again I would say rubbish! I believe very strongly that guys eat for the same emotional benefits that ladies eat for, they have the same comfort, boredom, stress, consolement, guilt, anger and use food as a sticky plaster to help with that.

Teaching Your Kids

I'm useless, waste of space, I can't do dieting, I can't lose weight, I am a pig, I just can't control myself, I'm a lost cause, I am destined to be fat...

Do you put yourself down?

Do you put yourself down to others and to yourself?

Do you get in there and criticise yourself before others get the chance to do so?

Do you make jokes about yourself and your weight because you actually don't really like yourself?

The vast majority of people I work with and talk to put themselves down, they are predominantly women and they spend more time telling me just what a failure they are that they forget to look for all the good stuff they can create.

Ability To Change

How open are you to change?

Most of us think we are very open to new ideas, new visions and making changes in our lives but the reality is usually very different.

A lot of people I work with talk about changing, they plan to change, they try to change, they may change for a while even but ultimately they go back to the 'comfort' of what they have done and known in the past.

People like certainty in their lives, they like to know that everything is safe and everything is ok, therefore they will go back to their old behaviours because they know they 'work' for them. If it is more important to get comfort in a glass of wine than to live to 100 then people will go back to the wine, and most people (most certainly including myself in the past!) will give up what they really want for what they really want right now.

22 Weight Related Questions

22 Weight Questions

When working 1-2-1 with people I always work through a set of questions with them.

These questions if answered truthfully and in full can really help you realise why you are where you are and how to formulate a plan for change.

1. Stated in the positive, what specifically do you want with your weight? (Not what you don't want)

2. Where are you now in relation to that goal ?

3. What will you see and hear when you have that goal?

4. What will you feel when you have that goal?

5. Do you truly believe you will ever have that goal? 

6. What steps do you need to take to get to that goal?

When working 1-2-1 with people I always work through a set of questions with them.

These questions if answered truthfully and in full can really help you realise why you are where you are and how to formulate a plan for change.

1. Stated in the positive, what specifically do you want with your weight? (Not what you don't want)

2. Where are you now in relation to that goal ?

3. What will you see and hear when you have that goal?

4. What will you feel when you have that goal?

5. Do you truly believe you will ever have that goal? 

6. What steps do you need to take to get to that goal?

Dieting Takes Willpower? And The Two Types Of Dieter

"Inside me lives a skinny person crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies" -- Erma Bombeck

Have you ever heard the Tale of Two Dieters? Probably not, because the story originated in my head and this is the first time I've really shared it in depth. But if I do say so myself, it's is an excellent story because it's about YOU! Yes, it's a tale of TWO dieters and I'm pretty sure one of them lives inside your skin. The reason this is a tale of two dieters is because there are really only two schools of thought when it comes to dieting...

A small percentage of dieters make a commitment to losing weight and then get the job done. They are ones all the other dieters love to hate! The other group constantly fights the never-ending battle of willpower versus "won't power" and act as if their weight loss plan was court-ordered in lieu of hard time in Pentonville. Ask yourself? Which group are you in? If you replied "The second group, your Honour," you're going to love reading this story! But even if you're in the first group, you'll enjoy this story as well because it will give you something to gloat about and show to your friends who are grudgingly serving out their court ordered diets!

"Inside me lives a skinny person crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies" -- Erma Bombeck

Have you ever heard the Tale of Two Dieters? Probably not, because the story originated in my head and this is the first time I've really shared it in depth. But if I do say so myself, it's is an excellent story because it's about YOU! Yes, it's a tale of TWO dieters and I'm pretty sure one of them lives inside your skin. The reason this is a tale of two dieters is because there are really only two schools of thought when it comes to dieting...

A small percentage of dieters make a commitment to losing weight and then get the job done. They are ones all the other dieters love to hate! The other group constantly fights the never-ending battle of willpower versus "won't power" and act as if their weight loss plan was court-ordered in lieu of hard time in Pentonville. Ask yourself? Which group are you in? If you replied "The second group, your Honour," you're going to love reading this story! But even if you're in the first group, you'll enjoy this story as well because it will give you something to gloat about and show to your friends who are grudgingly serving out their court ordered diets!

Feel It Not Fix It !

 

When people get overweight they look for a tool to fix their problem, they research and find the diet that will 'cure' them of their weight problems and will get them slim to be happy and healthy for the rest of their lives.

But when making a well-formed plan to do anything you need to look at more than just to tool to do it with, I could buy a hammer, I could buy some nails, I could put the nail into a bit of wood with the hammer but unless I know WHY? I am putting the nail in the piece of wood then it's a pretty pointless exercise.

Now if I am building a fence that will stand for many years in the garden and will look nice, protect the plants and my boundary then the investment in the hammer and the nails and the wood was well worth it!

Filling The Void...

The standard law of nature is to fill a vacuum and that goes the same with any behaviour that somebody has.

It is no accident that someone who stops smoking tends to put weight on or someone on a diet suddenly is smoking more.

When you try and stop a behaviour then you will always look to replace it with something else, the art is to make sure you replace 'negative' behaviours with more positive ones.

You could argue that losing 3 stone in weight but smoking an extra 1000 cigarettes while you do it wasn't actually a good idea to start with, even more common would be then to put the weight back on and then be depressed so keep the levels of smoking up and overeat to try and cheer up.

Hanging In There...

I was talking with a good friend in the office today and they were telling me how they gave up smoking last week and were 'hanging in there...'

It reminded me of me when I was on one of my several hundred diets I did before I finally got my head in the right place and trimmed down for good. I always perceived myself as 'hanging in there' and I used to call my diets 'hell' and spend my life desperately not wanting to do them. I used to talk about the prison sentence I was doing and that I couldn't wait to finish the bloody diet so I could eat loads of food again!

But that mentality is doomed not to work very well, at the end of the day doing a diet is like going to bed...you choose to do it otherwise eventually you will fall over ! Therefore never see a diet as something that requires willpower, something that is hard, painful or requires you to hang in somewhere.

What Could You Have Done Instead?

 

When people 'cheat' on their diet they tend, from experience, to beat themselves up. They tend to want to rewind time and basically focus on how useless they are, how they have let themselves down and how they can't stick to a diet.

But it is important when you do 'cheat' that you understand why you did it, also when I work with people 1-2-1 I ask them 'What could you have done instead?'

So for example, someone may tell me that they have eaten after an argument with their partner, but what I would ask is what could they have done instead and they will say they could have gone and had a bath instead or something like that.

Or if someone says they have had a bad day at work and they ate on the sofa in the evening to cheer up then I would ask what they could have done instead and they will reply they could have phoned an old friend, gone on facebook or spent some time on their favourite hobby.

Free Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter Audio Download

I am really pleased to say that I have now finished the first of a series of audio downloads.

The 'Six Needs Of A Happy Dieter' is a 25 minute audio that talks through the six key elements you need to review before, during and after weight loss to make sure that you are on a good platform for long term weight maintenance as ultimately it is all about being slim forever and not just for a month or two.

If you want to get hold of the audio download for free then simply subscribe to the Saturday morning newsletter at the top right of this blog and the link will be sent to you automatically.

Empathy Not Sympathy

When I work with people 1-2-1 then I am very aware of not being sympathetic to them, I am very empathetic and I care more than they would know that they get slim, stop dieting and move on with their lives being happy and settled.

But when I was big I used to look for sympathy all the time, I would tell people how tough my life had been, how I had some nasty stuff happen to me in the past and that when they would pat me on the shoulder and say they could see just how tough it was it would make me feel better for a while.

Even with my family they would actually buy me food to make me feel better and happier that I was overweight and depressed, my wife would treat me after a bad day at work by cooking me plate after plate of pancakes and syrups, she was showing me sympathy and that used to massage my emotions for a short period and make me feel better (and her!)

My Eating Is Out Of Control

I was chatting with someone recently who was saying that they are a control freak but the one thing they can't do is get control over their eating and therefore trim down a few pounds.

It reminded me very much of me when I used to say my eating was out of control and that I wanted to take back the control but couldn't.

But the reality is that I was always in control of my eating, sure I used to eat loads and loads but every-time I opened another packet of biscuits or hit the fridge then I was very much choosing to do so. I was in total control in fact as I was choosing what I wanted to eat and having it just when I wanted.

Therefore I used the same control when trimming down as I was very restrictive and just chose not to eat anything for five months, I was using the same mindset that got me big to get me slim, by being stubborn and 'not for turning' I was in total control of my weight whether with a 'eat what I like' mentality or a 'eat nothing' mentality.

The only scary bit and bit where you are of control is when you are at goal weight, stop dieting and don't want to put the weight back on. Suddenly you can have a biscuit but not too many, or you can have a bowl of pasta but not if it is falling over the top of the bowl.

True weight maintenance means moderation and moderation means not being the 'control freak' that got me big in the first place.

Therefore never think your eating is out of control and you must take ownership and admit you are the reason you got big otherwise you can't do anything about it.

Sunday Morning Fry Up

 

When I was big I used to always look forward to Sunday mornings, if we were staying in the house then I would cook THE biggest breakfast fry up, with bacon, black sausage, eggs, beans, sausages, mushrooms and hash browns. I would wash it down with about a litre of orange juice and 'set myself' up for the day.

For me a Sunday fry up was a treat, a habit and a tradition and therefore, was something I didn't want to give up. Sunday wouldn't be Sunday without a nice family cook up in the morning. I mean, to have a bowl of cereal on a Sunday morning would make it like a Monday morning and that meant work and therefore I needed a big fry up instead.

But Sunday was also about a Sunday roast! Therefore at 4pm we would tuck into a big roast dinner with all the trimmings, roast potatoes, stuffing, crackling and about 6 or 7 different vegetables and of course a huge yorkshire pudding on the top and smothered in gravy, but that was ok as that was tradition! I mean Sunday's without a roast dinner was just weird!

And of course Sunday lunch was all about soup! A nice warming winters soup on a cold Sunday after watching the football, a nice big bowl of soup with a large french stick to wash it down with...

Oh and of course Sunday is also about a nice dessert! Lemon meringue or chocolate fudge cake...but as we used to have roast dinner at 4pm by 8pm I was getting peckish and as it was a nice Sunday night I would crack open the biscuits and cheese and obviously wash it down with a  nice bottle of port to set myself up for the week.

Usually I was starting a diet on the Monday anyway so it didn't matter if I had a little more stilton or another half pack of Jacobs...

It was only last year when I got access to a calorie counting website that I estimate I used to eat around eight to ten thousand calories on an average Sunday, the fact I used to be so unfit I slept most of the day on the sofa between meals also didn't help as my exercise was non existent.

But that was me! I used to do it, at the time it seemed like a good idea and I didn't used to go to bed crying about it, it was just me being me and I was blissfully ignorant of just how many calories I was eating until the Monday morning when I struggled to get into my 54 inch waist trousers...

The reason I am pointing this out on this Sunday is that I am sitting here at 9:30am eating a bowl of shreddies and a coffee, and more importantly I am happy to be doing it! Sure I still enjoy a good fry up but we have family over later for dinner and I don't want to spoil that by being stuffed, lethargic and having already had enough calories to run a marathon on.

It is all about moderation! But what I call happy moderation, in other words you don't feel you are being hard done by by not having something. I am happy to have shreddies or happy to have a fry up. I certainly don't feel like a prisoner because I am not tucking into a plate of fry up right now, in fact because we had a curry for dinner last night I actually wouldn't want a fry up even if someone had cooked it for me.

The other point of this blog post is to say leopards can change their spots, people believe that everyone goes back to their old behaviours and therefore you are basically stuffed when it comes to maintaining weight as ultimately you will go back to the old portions and foods that you used to, now I am happy to say that is not true as long as you are HAPPY to moderate...

Comparison To Others

When I finally got my head round this dieting lark and trimmed down I was doing it with a friend of mine I worked with. We were both very big boys and used to meet up on a Sunday night to go and get weighed.

I was always very competitive and so was he and we used to compete to see who could lose the most weight, now it sounded like a good idea to me but the problem with a competition is that only one person can ever win it and everyone else loses.

When I first started to work with people and couples I saw it again and again. People would think if they compared themselves to other people then that would inspire and motivate them to stick to their diet.