The Diet Guy

3 Weeks To Go !

Just three weeks to go to my naked photo shoot!

Pleased to say that I am building up nicely, I have dropped 3% of my body fat and have been building up my abs and arm muscles nicely. I am doing around an hours weight lifting every night and because I have a real focus on the 20th August I am enjoying the journey and enjoying seeing the results.

For me now I am totally focussed on what I want, when I decide I want something in my life I never doubt I will get it, I keep my eyes on the prize all the time and let nothing and nobody stand in my way.

The old me was very much a dreamer, I loved the idea of being slim but then I didn't actually put in the 'effort' required to deliver the result. I would diet for a day or two and then get bored or have a night out and then it would all stop and fall to bits.

But now it is about the result, I love putting in 'effort' if it means I get what I want, now for me at the moment I want to look great in the buff and have some pictures to be proud of when I am 90 years old and also have a laugh and tell my friends that I had a mad day out in a photo studio.

For me now I am happy on the journey to be happy, what I mean by that is that when I was big I used to always talk about if I could just be slim I would be happy but happy is a state and not a goal, you can be happy today and then tomorrow and then the day after.

And for me I am looking forward to the 20th August and what fun I can have but I am also happy to put in all the 'effort' that means I will get the results I want.

If You've Never Failed You've Never Lived

I thought this video was fantastic, well worth a minute of your day !

Great Quotes

As you know I love quotes and here is a great 3 minute video of some of my favourites.

Bacon Butty For Breakfast

I woke up this morning and checked the news to see what the world had been doing while I was asleep!

The first thing I saw on the BBC website was an article that said Catherine Zeta Jones has admitted her diet included having a bacon butty for her breakfast !

When I then checked there had been 400 articles written around the world in the past 24 hours about it (make that 401 now!)

An example one being Zeta Likes A Bacon Butty

Now the bit that made me smile is that somehow this is supposed to be shocking that somebody eats bread and meat and is still slim ! As if when you get to goal weight or are slim that you can only have special K for breakfast and nothing else or you will suddenly puts loads of weight on.

Now it's 10am here on a Sunday morning and I am just about to sit down to a fry up, now it has eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, black pudding, beans and a couple of rounds of toast! But shock horror! I am still slim !

The secret to this phenomenon? It's called moderation! I won't have a fry up tomorrow and will probably just grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit for my breakfast.

I am off to the cinema this afternoon to see Toy Story so will just have some popcorn for my lunch and then probably just a stir fry or something for me tea.

So there you go ! SHOCK HORROR! Slim guy eats sausages!

When I first got to goal I used to worry so much about what I could and couldn't eat but you can lose weight if you eat just one mars bar a day and nothing else, you can gain weight if you eat 40 rice cakes a day...because ultimately it is pure calories ! If you put in too much fuel you will hold it and if you don't you will burn it. There is no secret! The reason I lose so much weight so very quickly was that I was a huge guy eating 400 calories a day, therefore it was no miracle I reduced weight, it was pure maths!

So well done for Catherine Zeta Jones having a bacon butty! I hope she enjoyed it but ultimately I question whether it is really news or just somebody living their life in moderation.

I Love Living Life. I Am Happy

I saw this amazing video yesterday and wanted to share it with you! This is the amazingly inspiring Nick Vujicic.

I cannot recommend enough you give seven minutes of your day to watch it.

Women Last An Average Of 19 Days On A Diet

A study came out today showing the average female dieter spends around 25 thousand pounds in their life dieting and the average time to break a diet is just 19 days.

A couple of the press articles at

Women Do Not Last More Than 19 Days On A Diet

And

British Women Spend 25k On Diets 

We all know it is true! I used to try and ignore the fact that I had dieted for 20 years and yet was bigger than when I started. The key to all this dieting malarky is to get your mindset right and then your body will follow with whichever diet you fancy to pick.

Don't be fooled by any claims from wonder drugs or wonder diets, the reality is all the magic is in you and you are the magic that can make real change happen.

Desiderata

I first read desiderata when I got to goal weight and a friend of mine gave me a framed print.

I now have a bigger framed print in my office at home and also have given copies to my family and close friends.

I also intend to have part of it tattooed on my back when I next go back to Florida.

It reads

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

For me it is an amazingly accurate piece of text and one which I live my life by.

I Lost An Inch

When I reduced down my weight I reduced my measurements all over my body, the one that always made me smile was that I went from 6 ft to 5ft 11 inches.

Now being 6ft was a big thing for me ! For some reason I always thought of 6ft as being the perfect height for a guy, it proved you were a real man and somehow that extra inch made a real difference.

So I was disappointed to lose that inch when I got to goal, I would in fact tell people I was still 6ft as I didn't want them to think I was short and in some way weak !

Now I look back I smile as it is merely a number, it makes no difference to my life if I am 5ft 8in or 6ft 3in but at the time I seemed a big issue.

But I do think as you grow older and wiser that you realise that the things you worried about in the past were never really that important in the first place, I used to be really worried about loose skin on my body when I got to goal weight and how bad I would look but now I am at peace with my body and I don't care if I have some loose skin on my legs, arms and back!

Life is way to short to be worried about diets, weight, what height you are, whether you can fit in a pair of jeans or whether your bum sags a bit in your jeans.

Book Review - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Your Route Out of Perfectionism, Self-Sabotage And Other Everyday Habits

I first came across the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Your Route Out of Perfectionism, Self-sabotage and Other Everyday Habits last year and I thought it was a brilliant read.

I am more into NLP than CBT having had a very poor CBT based therapy back in 2005 that I found very hard to work with but true CBT is actually in my opinion a very strong therapy for change.

What happens to you in life matters less than the way you feel about life: that′s the message of cognitive behavioural therapy. If you′ve ever tried to change something about yourself – your mood, your weight, your behaviour – you′ll have noticed that change often hurts, so you stop trying. CBT can help you when change starts to hurt.

In this book, professional CBT practitioner Avy Joseph shows you how to challenge negative thoughts and unhealthy beliefs to improve your outlook in your personal and professional life. Whether you want to break the spiral of depression, anxiety or guilt, achieve work–life balance or make an important change, this book will help you reach your goals and maintain a positive outlook – no matter what life throws at you.

Remember: It′s you – not your circumstance – that holds the key to change. Don′t limit yourself. 

This is a great read, very much designed at moving you on and one of the books I most lend to my clients.

This book is available from Amazon if you click here

What's Your Tag Line ?

Companies use tag lines a lot with examples such as

American Express - Don't Leave Home Without It
BMW - The Ultimate Driving Machine
Thomas Cook - Don't Just Book It, Thomas Cook It

Now what is your tag line? If I said now define yourself in a tag line what is your immediate thought?

Think your name and then what tag line you would put after it on a big 50 foot poster in the middle of London for everyone to read. What would define and explain who you were?

Now my challenge to you this week is to come up with a new tag line for yourself, a new tag line that is stated in the positive, that is forward thinking and that you really can get your enthusiasm behind.

For those that knew me when I was reducing weight I had a few tag lines which I used all the time, examples were

Mike Scott - Letting Nothing And Nobody Stand In My Way, Including Myself
Mike Scott - Eyes On The Prize
Mike Scott - One Way Journey
Mike Scott - Laughing My Way To Slimdom

Now I lived by those tag lines, no longer did I tag myself

Mike Scott - Useless Dieter
Mike Scott - Living The Diet Hell
Mike Scott - Missing Food A Lot And Hates His Life

So next weekend I want to publish on here a section with loads of really great positive tag lines that you all send me, therefore if you have time today to focus on how great you are then can you come up with a tag line for yourself and mail me at mike@thedietguy.co.uk

I won't publish your second names to keep anonymity but would be great to get some really good tag lines that can make everyone feel that much more positive about their diet journeys.

As some fun back to you, and without Googling, do you know who these tag lines belong to?

Where Do You Want To Go Today? -
Every Little Helps -
Just Do It -
Snap, Crackle, Pop -
The Happiest Place On Earth -
No Nonsense -
The World's Local Bank -
Because I'm Worth it -
Keep Hunger Locked Up Till Lunch -
Sense And Simplicity -

Have fun with those, have even more fun coming up with your own tag line, and ideally mail it over and print it off and put it above your computer as your tag line for the week!

Mike Scott - Helping Others Help Themselves

Horse To Water

When I was big I remember chatting to my boss's secretary, she told me straight that if I didn't lose weight then I was going to die young. I remember her saying it, I also remember the macaroon I ate as soon as I got back to my desk and the suet pudding I had for my lunch that day.

This weekend I have been away at a family wedding celebration near London. I met with one of my family and I offered them the world, they are in a really tricky position financially and also job wise and I offered to clear their debt, buy them a house and try to find them a job.

But they turned me down. They spent more time telling me reasons why they couldn't change than seeing the possibility and going for it. They asked where they would live in the short term, I said my spare room. They said how could they afford to pay the bills on their old flat, I said I would pay them. They said that they had to give notice on their job or would get in trouble, I said I would sort that out for them and yet, even though there was no reason I could see for them to not just take the help on offer they declined and put their head back into the sand.

Now, within a year they are going to be financially crippled and  I probably won't be able to save them without digging very deep into my pockets but they weren't ready to listen, they weren't ready to move on and basically saw my offer of help as interference in their life.

And therefore I backed away! Something I learnt many years ago through my own experience and counselling people 1-2-1 is that sometimes people don't want saving. Sometimes people can see the water, they can even smell the water but however much you stand there next to them they aren't prepared to drink it.

Back to the lady who told me that I was going to die, now she meant it to help me and she was astonished I had allowed myself to get that big.  I didn't want helping and certainly nobody can force anyone into a smaller pair of jeans, it has to be you, on your terms, in your time and on your own!

We are all responsible for ourselves, we got ourselves big and we can get ourselves slim and no external interference is going to make any difference.

Sure I coach people all the time. I try and show them a roadmap and a path to walk down but if they choose to go in the opposite direction then that is absolutely fine but don't be surprised if you don't reach where you stated you wanted to go in the first place.

Now maybe my family member will call in the week and say 'I've though it all through, please can you help me' and I will be there, but I won't be making the call to them because it won't be helping them and, if anything, may make the situation worse.

Can You Imagine It ?

A lot of time I spend with people 1-2-1 I am looking for why they do what they do, the reason is that people don't randomly do things, there will always be a good reason (to them) that they have a particular behaviour or characteristic.

 

Therefore one technique I use is the "As If" technique. Basically you can do it now yourself and all it requires is a bit of peace and quiet and some thought.

 

Now allow your mind to relax, just allow all the day to day "stuff" in your head to go quiet and just start to daydream what it will or does feel like to be slim, healthy and most importantly happy.

 

Make the thoughts as vivid as possible.

 

Firstly bring the picture or movie to the strongest it can be in your mind

 

Where are you?

Who are you with?

What can you notice around you?

How do you look?

What are you wearing?

How old are you in the thoughts?

 

Is the picture black & white or colour?

Is it bright or dim?

How big is the picture in your mind?

Are you in the picture or watching the picture through your own eyes?

Is it in focus?

Is it a movie or still?

Is it 3D or flat?

 

Now think of the sounds associated with your thoughts

 

Can you hear anything?

Is the sound loud or soft?

Is the sound fast or slow?

Is the pitch of the sound high or low?

 

Now think of the feelings associated with your thoughts

 

What feelings you can feel?

How strong are those feelings?

Are there any feeling you wouldn't expect?

 

Now really build the picture in your mind, if you want to change it go ahead but make the perfect picture that is just right for you on what you want to achieve.

 

Ok, one of two things will have happened here.

 

The first is you managed that absolutely fine and you have a big smile on your face as you have a vivid imagine or exactly what you WILL achieve and it just reminds you why you are doing everything you are doing. In which case absolutely great and whenever you need a reminder of the journey you are on then bring that image back up in your head, and remember it is fine to play around with it and add to it. Allow the great feelings you get from it to really make your day.

 

The second thing that may have happened is that you were unable to actually imagine it, which basically means if you can't even imagine it then the chances of actually doing it for real are low, therefore if you struggled with this what are the limiting beliefs you have about yourself that would stop you having great thoughts, what makes you think that you won't actually get to where you want to get to? It is through the answers to this that you can help yourself move on and also learn a lot about yourself which you can use to your own benefit.

Anchors & Triggers

An anchor is when your state changes in response to a trigger

 

We all have absolutely loads of anchors in our minds. We may not realise it, but we have. It is an anchor being triggered off that can cause an unexpected reaction from an individual.  

 

An example of an anchor is when you walk into a cinema and get the smell of popcorn hit your nose as you walk in the door, and then you head straight for the counter to order up a bucket.

 

The smell, known as the stimulus, triggered a desire for the popcorn, known as the response, and hence is it any wonder that cinemas don't tend to invest in extractor fans near their popcorn units to get rid of the smell!  

 

This is a basic anchor, but you will find many other anchors if you think about it. For example, when I go into a Starbucks  it is an anchor or trigger (same thing!) for relaxation for me, I always feel chilled out in Starbucks and just wandering in and breathing in the smell of fresh coffee is enough to change my state.  

 

Some common positive anchors can be :-  

 

Hearing an old song on the radio that takes you back to a holiday, or a time in your past when you were really happy.  

 

Looking at a photograph of a wedding or event and remembering what a good time you had.  

 

Picking up your old teddy bear from when you were a child and it bringing back memories of being safe and worry free.  

 

Some less positive anchors can be :-  

 

Hearing a police siren when driving and panicking you are being stopped for speeding.  

 

Seeing someone who looks similar to someone you had an argument with once and it brings back the anger.  

 

Being lonely or needing comfort and going to the kitchen to find it

 

So if you do something and can't understand it, for example why did you suddenly eat a piece of ham out of the fridge, then you need to look for the anchor.  

 

The way of looking at it is "How did you know that it was time to do that?"  

 

Using the example of the cinema I knew it was time to buy popcorn when I got the heady smell of butter as I walked in the door, so if I don't want the outcome, the buying of the popcorn, then I need to stop or avoid or change the trigger.  

 

With the less positive anchors such as overeating when you get a trigger then the good thing is that you weren't born with anchors, you didn't come into this world knowing that when you hear the horns in the street outside that an ice cream van is about to arrive, therefore if you learn an anchor you can also unlearn or collapse that anchor.  

 

The reason that sometimes people "struggle" with triggers is that they feel they are out of control. People will say "I ate one biscuit and it triggered a binge of the whole packet" but actually that isn't true.

 

The thing with anchors is that they are in the domain of the unconcious mind, in other words they aren't concious thoughts, so you don't think "I can hear a police siren so it must be a police car", you just know because your unconcious mind knows what that sound is.  

 

Therefore when you get a trigger to overeat it can make you feel out of control because your concious mind doesn't get time to say "Hang fire, you don't want those biscuits" because you have already eaten one.  

 

Summing up, you basically need to find the anchor or the trigger for everything you do that ultimately has a negative outcome.  

 

So as I said above "How did you know that it was time to do that?"  

 

The next time you eat something you shouldn't, ask yourself the question, if you ate because you were bored then work it back until you find the trigger. Once you know the trigger then you are in control of whether or not you choose to release the trigger.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (With A Big Smile On Your Face!)

Since trimming down in weight I love challenges now, without challenges in my life I get bored and I get trapped and feel like I am treading water and not making a difference and growing.

Now some of my challenges are bigger than others, I like to pick challenges which scare me and excite me at the same time, now when I got slim I went on a six month 'bender' and did a lot of very silly things but in heinsight they scared and excited me at the same time.

When I sorted myself out and got back on an even level then I have continued to do some big challenges, my first was to run a race ! So I did the great south run, now I was scared I would never complete it but I was excited and what it might be like so I did it and completed it.

I then decided to climb Mt Kilimanjaro, as it terrified me but also fascinated me at the same time and I completed it.

Now with my photo shoot next month I am exactly the same, the thought of getting my kit off infront of total strangers makes me feel nervous and excited all at once and it is a powerful mix. I got sent a link yesterday to the new male section of the site --> Mighty Aphrodite Men Section

Now I love the idea of doing it but also I am panicking but in a good way!

Because we need challenges! We need to grow and push ourselves otherwise everything can become a little mundane in our lives.

When I look back now to the end of September 2005 and when I started my last ever diet was the sense of anticipation mixed with butterflies and apprehension, it was a very powerful and heady mix, the fact that I E-mailed my department telling them I was going to be slim when I still weighed nearly 25 stone made some of them raise eyebrows but it was a challenge and it was never in doubt I would complete it.

Eyes on the prize and let nothing and nobody stand in your way, especially yourself !

Trick Or Treat?

I was reading a fascinating study while I was in America last year saying that treating yourself has been proven not to work! The study says that when people treat themselves, or are treated by someone else, then unconciously they think 'Well if I have to be treated then I must be doing something I don't like' and therefore whatever they are being treated for doing becomes something they want to do even less.

I thought it was very interesting and hence have been studying further, they did a test in America where they paid people to clean up a local park, one half of the group were paid really well and the other half were volunteers.

At the end of the cleanup they asked each person to mark out of 10 how much they enjoyed doing the task and how much fun it had been.

Those paid really well rated the job as 2.5 out of 10 and most commented it was back breaking, boring work...

But those that were volunteers rated the job 8 out of 10 and commented how lovely it was to help the community while exercising and getting fresh air...

Now I am not making a statement here that you should never treat yourself but I think it made very interesting reading and definitely rung a bell with me.

I spent years dieting and every week if I lost weight I treated myself and if I gained weight I treated myself and became more and more demotivated and hated myself and dieting even more.

But when I finally got my head in the right place I didn't need to treat myself as I was having too much fun getting slim to need anything to motivate me further.

So do you treat yourself? Is your diet that hard and tough that on a weekend you treat yourself with a nice meal out?

If you disagree with the above (it was a big study and has been repeated in loads of other studies!) and you do need to treat yourself then ask yourself 'Why do I need to treat myself?'

The answer will almost certainly bring a negative response about the diet or meal plan your are on...and ultimately we all agree that the key to being slim long term is to see it as a major positive in your life.

So trick or treat today?

Believe

I am going to ask you a straight question first.

Do you believe you can, and will, be slim for the rest of your life without dieting again?

And I mean really believe, believe to the point of not doubting yourself, not screwing up your face or thinking it would be nice but isn't going to happen.

I met some amazing people last year. There was a girl who had decided to reduce weight while her brother was in Afghanistan to surprise him on his return from tour three months later. She was half way through her weight loss when she heard he had been killed.

She not only got to goal weight but she is now doing marathons in honour of her brother and to raise money in his memory.

I met a guy who had been housebound for ten years and weighed 28 stone who one day believed he could be slim and walk out of the door.

I met an ex drug user and alchoholic who believed he could stop both and then went on to reduce his weight back down to a normal level.

These are just normal people, and yet, extraordinary people. Because the reality is that we can all be so much more than we currently are. We all have baggage in our lives, we are all works in progress and none of us sit on our ivory towers and profess to know everything and are buddha's in the world.

These people decided to believe in themselves and what they could do if they set their minds to it. And that is the key, once you believe you can be slim, and I mean truly believe, to the point it makes you smile as you are just so sure you can, then the job is done even before it is started and nothing will stand in your way.

If one person can get slim and just be slim then everyone can. Remember that being overweight isn't a disease, there isn't a cure for this, being overweight just means you ate too much! Therefore, you can choose to believe you can change for the better and be slim.

I believed I couldn't ever lose weight and for 20 years I proved myself right, 4 and a half years ago I chose to change my mind and believe I could be slim and I did it.

Therefore, do you really believe?

Limiting Beliefs

A limiting belief is something that you believe about yourself that places a limitation on your abilities. They may be based on fact but in most cases are based on your own perception of what is fact.

 

I see a lot of people who say things like

 

"I am overweight, always have been, always will be...."

 

Now the fact they are overweight may well be true, the fact they may always have been overweight may also be based in fact BUT the limiting belief that they "always will be" means that they have reduced their options down to one and guess what that one is....

 

Limiting beliefs are actually all in your mind, in reality there is no such thing, you can do absolutely anything you set your mind to because  when you have made a decision to actually do something, then you will always get round any obstacles and achieve what you set out to do.

 

The beliefs we have about ourselves absolutely colour our vision and shape the world we create, a belief will control how you feel and ultimately how you act. If you think you will fail at something then you will, if you believe something is going to be impossible, then you have failed before you even started.

 

A limiting belief needs constant attention to remain that way and hence the more you believe you have limits then the more you ring fence yourself. If you realise that you have absolutely no limit to what you can do, and that you can create the reality exactly how you want it, then those limiting beliefs will have to disappear as you will be too busy being happy and achieving to even entertain the idea that you could fail.

My motto throughout the time I was reducing my weight was "Believe you will, believe you won't, you'll be right either way" and absolutely I believe that is true.  

So if you have any limiting beliefs about yourself then let's have them...think them out! What are they stopping you doing? What are they stopping you achieving? What if you made a decision to change the belief today for something that gives you a more positive outcome? Bring them out of your unconscious mind into your conscious thought..realise what those beliefs are and then realise that they aren't true and that they are just a noise in your head...decide today that you can be so much more and then you will find you just are!

 

People who are "naturally" lucky or "naturally" succeed at things do so because they don't limit themselves by believing that they aren't!  

 

Someone said to me once..."shoot for the moon Mike and land amongst the stars"...I just thought why would I want to do that when I could go so much further :-)  

Black Or White, Yes Or No, On Or Off ?

When people are stressed about something they tend to polarise the options they have and can only see an "either / or" solution.

 

If you have a problem to ponder over then it is very easy to just think you have to choose between the two extremes of the scale, but what if you could decide to look for other options?

 

I saw a lady last year 1-2-1 who said she wasn't sure whether or not to continue on a diet as she wanted to go out for a meal with her husband. She had spent the whole week trying to decide what to do and had got herself in quite a state over it.

 

We talked it over and I asked her what the benefit was of going out with her husband for a meal. She replied that they liked meals out together and that it was fun. We kept chatting and working through the benefits and where we finally got to was that when she went out with her husband they got some protected time away from the world and in fact the restaurant they went to had no mobile phone signal so was an oasis of peace where they could be alone and close.

 

Once she realised the true reason for wanting the meal we discussed what other options she could she think of that would give her the same result. After a couple of minutes she said that she was desperate to see Mamma Mia and that they could go together and see that! Of course mobiles have to be turned off in cinemas so they could get the same result. She even decided to book the posh sofa seats in the gallery of the cinema as a treat.

 

Therefore this "dilemma" she had was never that. She had an option C, in fact she had loads of options but just had got her mind stuck into the two options she could immediately see.

 

With this solution she still got to trim her weight off this week and have a new experience with her other half. We'll see what she fancies doing next week now she realises that she has infinite possibilities once she looks up from the problem.

 

So turning this to something you may be pondering or deciding about, are you sure there are only two options? What if Black or White was actually "Blue!" What if Yes or No was actually "Kind Of" and what if "On or Off" was actually "Half Way".

 

I now look for different options all the time and it works so well. I used to go to restaurants and either not have a pudding and feel deprived or have a pudding and feel over full and naughty, but now I offer to share a pudding!! I get the taste of the food, I get to still walk out to the car without feeling stuffed and I halve the calories. There is also the added side bonus of the fun involved in chasing the last bit of chockie pudding round the bowl!!

Setting The Goal

When I work 1-2-1 with people I am always very interested in what their real goal is. You would assume that everyone has the same goal, but that isn't true.

 

Read this list of goals regarding weight.

 

1. I want to lose weight

2. I want to be slim

3. I want to be healthy

4. I want to be happy

 

Now they are all exactly the same thing surely? I mean everyone wants to lose weight, be slim and healthy and ultimately be happy so all sounds good.

 

So which of those goals do you set yourself when you start a diet? When you think about weight are you thinking about being slim forever or are you thinking about quickly losing weight for an event.

 

When I dieted it was all about wanting to lose weight at the start, it was about losing weight because I didn't want to diet, didn't want to urinate blood anymore, didn't want to have chest pains and therefore was all about what I didn't want.

 

Then I changed my mindset during the diet to what I did want. I wanted to be slim! Therefore suddenly it was about what I did want which was to go on holiday and go on loads of rides and experience new things.

 

But then, was I actually healthy? Well certainly I was slim but health is a different thing to being slim. For me, healthy meant then, and still does now, looking after myself, that incorporates exercise, and eating good quality, nutritious foods, and generally keeping myself in good health. One of my best friends is slim but eats a huge amount of saturated fat as he loves pizza and kebabs, therefore, is he truly healthy?

 

And finally, of course, happy! I have said before about the fantasy that slim means happy. If you are happy, and by happy I mean whatever "happy" means to you, then you tend to value your health highly and therefore you are slim because of that.

 

The point of this article is to make you think what your goal is. If I had my time again, I would have set a goal of being happy! Because if you have that goal and work and plan towards it then what you'll find is that the behaviour of overeating will stop anyway as you won't need the emotional boost that food gives you if you are happy being you!

 

I got big because I used food to relieve boredom and give comfort. If I was actually happy then I wouldn't need food as a sticky plaster for those situations, and "losing weight" would have happened anyway.

 

So what's your goal? Your true goal? And what do you really need to change in your life to achieve it.. once you know will you actually make those changes...GO FOR IT!

The Date Is Set!

I mentioned back last weekend that I was pushing myself well outside my comfort zone by going for a naked photo shoot in August --> Doing Things That Push My Limits

Well the date is now set! The 20th August and all booked and paid for so no backing out now :-)

All that is left to do is to let the studio know which 2 sets I want to do and then get down to Reading in good time for the shoot! (oh and get some new sexy boxer shorts!)

I am very nervous about doing it, but in the same way I was nervous about trimming down my weight. It is what I called nervous excitement where I am focusing on just how much fun and how empowering it can be as opposed to focussing on how embarrassing and what a dreadful experience it might be.

I never did nudity when I was big! I would not take off my T-Shirt in public, let alone my underwear. I can remember being in Florida in 90 degree heat and refusing to take off my T-Shirt to go in the swimming pool, saying I needed it on so I didn't get burnt but the reality was I didn't want people to see just how big and overweight I was and judge me for it.

I went for a tattoo when I was big on my right arm and the man asked me to take off my shirt so he could do it and I asked if I could come back later with a different T-Shirt on so that I didn't have to. He must have thought I was mad as I disappeared for an hour to the big man's clothing shop to get a T-Shirt with cut off arms so that he didn't get to see just how big my stomach was. The reality was that a thin T-Shirt was never really covering up just how big I had become but clothes were my protection!

But no protection now! No hiding behind long black trousers and a 21 inch collar white shirt anymore, time to bare all and be proud of it!

I did get a couple of people E-Mail me and ask if I was going to post up the results just to prove that I did it and my answer was DEFINITELY! I am proud of who I am now and I hope in some way I can inspire others to not worry about the odd bit of loose skin, or not having the super 21 year old's six pack, my bum is certainly not tight and I am certainly no Linford Christie but I am who I am and I am happy with who I am and therefore BRING ON THE CAMERA!

How Many Decisions Will You Make Today?

It never surprises me when people say they want to be slim and healthy. At the end of the day, most people would choose that as they realise the long term benefits of being healthy and slim and generally people agree that not being overweight/obese is a good idea.

 

What interests me much more is why people don't make the decision, or make a decision and then change that decision shortly after. At present, I'm sure there a lot of people out there who started a diet this Monday, what interests me is why have they stopped.

 

You make hundreds of decisions a day, literally hundreds, from the basics of what time you will get up, what you will wear, what time you need to leave for work etc, and yet you make those decisions with no "willpower" or any problem because you are just happy to make them. If I ask you now what is your favourite colour, do you need willpower to make that decision?

 

If you need willpower to actually reduce weight, then ask yourself why do you need willpower? If you were totally happy to be slim and there was no benefit in overeating then you would just do it. If you can understand what changes your decision to be slim, then you can really make a difference.

 

I have worked with a lady for a while who always said she wanted and needed to be slim. To be fair, her body language and everything about her said that she did, yet she still never really reduced her weight. What interested me more than anything is what was on the other side of the scale? What was making her want to keep eating so much that it was stopping or disrupting her decision? When we got to the bottom of what the reasons were for not wanting to be slim then all we were left with was the enthusiasm and desire to be slim, then all of a sudden, she started to reduce her weight as she had just decided to do so.

 

If you are not reducing your weight but you think you really want to, and can't understand why you aren't motivated, instead of analysing why you can't lose weight, start to understand what the benefit is of overeating. Whether it is to relieve boredom, comfort etc etc. If you can get rid of the negative reasons for being overweight then the basic decision to be slim is one you can make with a big smile on your face.

 

You can see in the new adverts on the television that the diet industry is realising that it isn't about the diet or the food, and that the real problem is why people are overeating in the first place. That's why they are now offering alongside their diets, ways of stopping people being bored so that they don't have chance to eat. While I admire the fact they are finally realising that a diet is a tool and not a lifestyle choice, I would still say that if you can actually realise why you got big in the first place then that holds all the answers to how to get slim, and more importantly be slim long term.

The Two Types Of Dieter

When I was slimming down I always could see that there were two types of dieter and now I have seen many clients personally and over the web I am even more convinced of the stark differences between them.

 

The first type of dieter is the one who says that reducing weight is hard, they hate dieting, hate the fact they are big, don't like the fact that they can't go out etc. Therefore they see dieting as a prison sentence and it is all about what they can't do and what they aren't allowed to do.

 

They tend to rarely smile when I meet them and generally are not enjoying the experience, therefore at some point they tend to break out of the prison cell that they have imagined and go on the run. And from experience and talking it over with another counsellor this week we couldn't think of any long term maintainer who had the prison sentence mindset.

 

The second type of dieter is the one who sees it as a choice, they choose to be slim, they choose to be healthy and they choose to take control. I was definately in this category and absolutely loved becoming slim, I laughed and smiled my way through it and always said that I could eat whenever I liked but I was choosing not to as I wanted and valued being slim and healthy more.

 

I am not saying that I was giggling the whole time I was reducing my weight but I always saw it as a positive experience and a choice that I had made.

 

Therefore if you see reducing weight as a prison sentence then why not decide today that being slim is actually good fun and a choice and therefore choose to be slim!

The Balanced Life

The key to being happy and also being slim is a balanced life. It means that everything in your life is where you want it to be and at an appropriate level.

When leading a normal, busy life it is common for parts of your life to get out of balance with each other. For example, if you spend too much time at work to earn money then your relationships with your friends may suffer, or if you decide to go on a lot of holidays to relax and unwind then your credit card is suddenly in trouble.

The problems with actually dieting and diets is that they can take over your life, and because you become obsessive about them and getting them right then other parts of your life can start to suffer. So, for example, if you spend a lot of time on your diet and sticking to that then maybe your relationship with your partner starts to suffer as he/she wants to go out with you or for you not to be talking calories and scales all the time. The problem is that this causes pressure in the relationship and hence, when you try and change the relationship then the diet suffers and you get the yo-yo effect.

So if you look at your life, it can usually broken down into the following areas

Family
Friends
Significant Other
Health
Job
Home
Money / Finance
Spiritual

When working with people 1-2-1 I get them to write down the keys to getting these parts of their life balanced. For example, for spiritual fullfillment they may need to go to church on a Sunday to fulfill that need and get balance. Maybe for their finance they need to earn 1200 pounds a month to pay all their bills, again that is a key.

When they have all the keys to each area of their life then do the parts of the jigsaw fit together? If their family requires 40 hours a week, their friends want to see them 3 nights a week, their job is a stressful 60 hours a week and they spend 10 hours a week looking after the family home then ultimately that is impossible! Therefore you need to revisit it and balance it better. That may be something as simple as agreeing that you work a few less hours but the balance being you have less money to go out with your friends.

If you don't balance things and try and live any parts of your life in isolation then you will always effect everything else however hard you try not to.

So turning this to you, when you plan your next diet then how does it fit into your whole life?

You can look at all areas and look for what might happen and be ready for it,

1. How does your diet fit in with your family? Are they supportive? Will they have a problem with it? What can you do to help them support you? How can you make sure that you still spend a lot of quality time with them that doesn't involve food?

2. How does your diet fit in with your friends? What can you do instead of drinking and eating too much? Will they be supportive? Are you prepared for possible sabotage from them?

3. How does your diet fit in with your significant other? Are they going to be supportive? What issues might you being slim show up? How will you deal with them possibly sabotaging you, either through "caring too much" or that they don't want you to be slim in case you run off?

4. How does your diet fit in with your health? Being slim and being fit are not the same thing so what can you do to improve your overall health? Health also means mental health so how can you improve your mental health? What long term plans have you got for staying slim?

5. How does your diet fit in with your job? Is your job stressful? Do you eat at work or after work to calm down? How will your work colleagues react to you being slim?

etc etc etc

When you start planning something you can then go and make it happen. As I say to many people, unless you decide what you want and actually go and do it then it is just a dream! Therefore, if you can find a balance in your life that allows you to trim down and be slim then you will find it much much easier to do.

Letter To Yourself

Please don't read this exercise below and think it sounds good but then don't do it. I promise you this is so useful and really can help you but does need about half an hour's effort to do it. I hope you do give it a go and let me know how you get on, if you want to!

Ok sit down with a pad and then write out

1. What exactly is happening with your diet/weight at present?

2. What would you rather happen instead ?

3. When did you first realise that you wanted this new goal ?

4. What have you already been doing to get your goal ?

5. What are you going to continue to do to get to your goal ?

6. What are you going to stop doing immediately which is stopping you from getting to your goal ?

Now pick a time in the future, this may be a special event you have planned, or it may just be 1,2 or even 5 years from now.

Get a sheet of paper and write the date in the future at the top.

Imagine that the period of time has passed between now and this date, you are sitting there in the future on that date having got to your goal, you are truly happy in your life, doing what you want to do and being the real you.

Write 'Dear Me'

And then start to write to yourself, tell yourself how the journey has been, what you did that worked really well, what techniques and ideas you found to 'cope' with certain issues and what good things you have achieved.

Explain to yourself what you had to drop along the way and the benefits in doing that.

Try and keep the letter bright, breezy and fun, you are so excited at having your goals that you want to tell yourself just how amazing the journey was.

Go into minute detail of what you did, what you learnt, who you used for advice and what little hints and tips you can give yourself now.

Don't worry if it seems far fetched or unlikely, just go with the flow and really put yourself in the mindset of the successful goal getter.

Then when you have finished the letter leave it for a few days, then read it back to yourself, bring yourself back to now and read the advice as you will know it is all excellent advice and very relevant to you as you wrote it!

I promise you this little exercise is fantastic and well worth the effort.

Doing Things That Push My Limits !

I like pushing my limits now otherwise how do I know where they are or what I am capable of? I love doing thing now that I would never have dreamt of doing when I was big! I like blowing my mind with just what I can achieve if I decide to do it!

I had never thought of climbing a mountain before I did Mt Kilimanjaro last year and the thought of doing it excited and scared me at the same time. I wasn't sure I could make it to the top or have the stamina and determination to do it but even though it nearly killed me I got there and was so pleased that I did.

So it's been just over a year now and I need something that scares me and is exciting at the same time!

I was discussing this last night with our best friends and decided what is the one thing I would be scared stiff of doing and I remembered back to when my wife did a photo shoot last year. She was really nervous before doing it but said it was very empowering and actually loved the experience and was very pleased with the final results. I remember saying there is no way you would get me doing a naked photo shoot as I used to be so self conscious about my body that I used to go swimming at the swimming pool wearing a T-Shirt and long shorts and was the only person in Florida with full sleeve shirts on in 90 degree heat. I would never strip off in a changing room in front of anyone and would avoid communal showers like the plague.

So the challenge is set!

At the end of August I am going to have a naked photo shoot! Just thinking about it makes me nervous but I now have a mentality of 'I will try anything once and therefore let nothing and nobody stand in my way, including myself!'

I have been at goal weight now for well over four years and I don't want to lose anymore weight (or gain any) as I like me the weight I am and all my clothes fit me perfectly, but I do want to tone up and define up a bit before stripping off and therefore over the next 8 weeks I will be hitting the rowing machine, swimming pool and exercise bike.

Now over the next 8 weeks I will post about how I am getting on with my toning and more importantly how I am feeling as I now have a goal and need to push through everything to get there.

I am going to use a company called Mighty Aphrodite who do very arty nude photography and some examples of their work and what I am letting myself in for can be seen at Mighty Aphrodite Case Studies (please note there is nudity so don't look if you are easily offended!)

So there you go!

I have a plan! I know the goal which is to go and have some photos done that I am really proud of! Now I need to get on with the fun of putting some more definition on my tummy and getting the courage up to drive there and have it done!

Butterflies in my stomach? Oh yes!!

Going to do it anyway! Hell yes...

How Far Would You Go?

When I work with clients 1-2-1 it is very common for them to say "I would do anything to lose weight."

 

So my question for you this week is "Would you really do everything you know you have to do to be slim long term, even the bits you know are going to be tough? "

 

Let me give you an example....

 

I worked with a lady some three years ago now who was quite open to me about the real reasons she was big. She was very unhappy in her relationship at home. She and her husband were basically in a loveless marriage but stayed together for the children.

 

She missed the affection and craved attention that she wasn't getting. To quieten down and help herself she used to eat to make herself feel better. She knew why she did it (although initially she pretended she didn't know). She knew that until she dealt with the real problem she was never going to be happy and not need food anymore to help her with her emotional void.

 

She said the very first time I saw her... "I would do anything to look good"

 

So when she told me what the real problem was in her life I asked her whether she would be prepared to deal with that issue. Would you she really rock the foundation of her world to look good? She said that she would and went on to lose a few stones and was on top of the world.

 

I saw her a few months later at the local DIY store. She was still looking slim and said to me she was doing well but "missing food". I can remember thinking when she said it that it wasn't a good sign, if you miss something then you feel loss and want it back. The more you crave it, the more you want it back and, ultimately, will go and find it.

 

She called me around the middle of last year to ask for some advice as she had put a few stone back on. She said "I would do anything to get back to the slim person I was when I finished before". I then asked her if she had dealt with the real problems and she said no......

 

Now this is really really REALLY common! People are overweight and they know why they are overweight, they know what to do to not be overweight and ultimately know what to do to stay slim, BUT, the majority of people will not do everything they need to do to actually deliver the success they desire.

 

If you really want something enough then you will always do whatever it takes to get it. I used to drive a seventy mile round trip every Sunday night at 9pm when I was reducing weight because I wanted it so much. I would have flown to Australia and back if that was what was required to deliver the result.

 

When people say they stopped a diet because someone bought some cake into work and they felt rude to say no, or that they couldn't go to a wedding without drinking, or their best friend wants them to stop because they look ill, or whatever reason people come up with to avoid being successful, then ultimately, they wouldn't do anything.

 

When I first did my NLP training I said to someone "I would do anything to be happy" and he said "OK would you strip naked and walk down the high street"

 

I said "NO!!" (This was before my tummy tuck!!)

 

He said "Therefore you wouldn't do anything to have success."

 

People who succeed are those that will take every single step they need to until they reach the goal. Whether that step is fun, boring, painful, tedious, emotional, fearful etc etc, they won't stop until they get the prize at the end.

 

So, are you really prepared to do anything to be slim?

100th Newsletter Quotes

To celebrate 100 No Willpower Required newsletters --> www.nowillpowerrequired.co.uk I asked all my readers to send it quotes.

Some of them were

Don't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams
The only constant thing in life is change - Buddhist saying

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors. Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny - Ghandi

The future's so bright, I'm going to need bigger shades

Faith is when you take the first step, even though you can't see the whole staircase

Failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day - Jim Rohn

Don't dig you grave with your own knife and fork - English Proverb

Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy

You've got to make friends with the body you have to get the body you want - Paul McKenna

The US is the fattest nation in the world, could it be that we have developed an extraordinary collective compulsion to become thicker from back to front and wider from side to side than the rest of humanity? - Dr Robert Atkins

Carpe Diem

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

There is not better investment than your own body - Ray Audette

What goes around comes around

Life's too short for regrets, looking forward to the surprises and make the regrets lessons.

YoYo dieting is emotions not greed

Don't put off till tomorrow what you could do today

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get

You will never find the time for anything, if you want the time you must make it -Charles Buxton

It's take a male to become a father but a man to become a dad

Behind every great man is a woman

Expectations, don't have any then there's no dissappointment

For every winner there's a loser, for the loser he's always a winner as he took part

Beat Me Up Scotty

One of the most common things I see when working with people 1-2-1 is that they want me to tell them off! I had have people call me often and say would I be tough with them, and scare them into losing weight. They want to be worried that I will moan at them if they don't trim down.

 

Beating yourself up, or getting someone else to do it, to be frank, doesn't work! If you beat yourself up, or get someone else to tell you off then you are going to make yourself feel bad. Most overweight people have a tendency to eat when they feel bad. Therefore, by beating yourself up for being big you then eat more and so, get bigger. Therefore you create a vicious circle of

 

BIG

BEAT YOURSELF UP

FEEL BAD AFTER BEATING YOURSELF UP

EAT TO NOT FEEL BAD

GET BIGGER

BEAT YOURSELF UP

FEEL EVEN WORSE

EAT MORE TO NOT FEEL BAD

GET EVEN BIGGER

 

Therefore be nice to yourself! If you start being nice to yourself and looking for the good stuff then you will start to feel nice feelings which then don't lead to you overeating.

 

When was the last time you paid yourself a compliment? Or when was the last time someone gave you a compliment and you accepted it?

 

The thing you have to remember is that you aren't broken! You aren't destined to be overweight forever, you aren't a bad person, you aren't a pig, greedy, or a failure. All you have done in the past is eaten too many calories for your body's needs. And that's it.....

 

And remember that part of you, the real you!, wants to be slim and healthy and happy...if it didn't then why would you be reading this? If you were a total failure then you wouldn't be wanting to make a difference.

 

I was chatting with someone on Facebook who said could they come and see me as they were a total failure...I said how can you have failed if you are coming to see me, you are still on the journey and still in the game?

 

You can change your life today! You can decide today to be slim and then diet to get to your ideal weight, then just eat the amount of calories your body needs and you will be set....Now it sounds so simple, the reality is that it is simple, but if you are going to beat yourself up and see yourself as broken then you won't do it.

 

So let's look at you....you are great! At your core you are a nice person who wants to be healthy and happy and really do some great things with your life. OK, you may have some behaviours that aren't working for you such as eating a bit too much in the past, but start looking in the mirror and realising that the true magic is inside you...You just have to realise you can be, and do, so much more than maybe you currently believe.

We All Make Mistakes!

People make mistakes all the time, for me the important thing is whether someone just admits that they had made a mistake, especially to themselves, and actually what they do about it that really counts and makes the difference next time.

 

For example I bought some water pistols last weekend for the kids, when they were playing with them they started to leak oil everywhere, and I mean black nasty oil which ruined their clothes. I was astonished that a childs toy was full of oil and phoned the toy shop on Monday morning.

 

They immediately apologised for the problems, they admitted exactly what the problem was and what they had done to stop it happening again, and then offered to buy new clothes for the kids and give me a full refund, therefore I am one happy customer even though they originally made a mistake. So to break it down they...

 

1. Admitted they had made a mistake.

 

2. Learnt from it by charemoving all the stock from their shops to stop it happening again.

 

3. Apologised and moved on....

 

The key thing here is that if you make a mistake there is no point in feeling guilty about it, or more importantly, beating yourself up about it as you can't change the past. You can only shape and create your future. So when you make a mistake then the absolute key thing  is to take the learnings from it and not the emotion!